#1
you probably already understood what i meant....
in this thread you can only post jokes, funny stories or riddles.
Got it?
Let the insane giggleing take place!

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#3
One I read the other day...

It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives.
When they got to heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to be married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it and agreed, but said they would have to wait.
It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent for them. They were married in a simple ceremony.
So things went on, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time, that eternity was best not spent together.
They went back to St. Peter, and said, "We thought we would be happy forever, but now we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is there any way we can get divorced?"
"Are you kidding?" said St. Peter. "It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marry you. I'll never get a lawyer!"
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#4
Ok I got one:

A guy walks into a pet store and asks to buy a talking parrot;

"Very well sir, we have this one, he costs $200 and he knows 20 different words"

"What about this one?"

"This one is $500 and knows 50 different words."

"And this large white one?"

"That is $1000."

"So he knows, what, 100 words? Holy crap!"

"No sir, that one doesn't talk"

"What are you kidding me? What does he do then"

"Well, he just sits there and eats"

"Then how come he's $1000, and the other 2 that can talk are much cheaper?"

"Because he's their boss."
Dear God, do you actually answer prayers?

Yes, but only in a way indistinguishable from random luck or the result of your own efforts.
Last edited by Mad Marius at Jan 6, 2007,
#6
Quote by Mad Marius
Ok I got one:

A guy wanks into a pet store and asks to buy a talking parrot;

"Very well sir, we have this one, he costs $200 and he knows 20 different words"

"What about this one?"

"This one is $500 and knows 50 different words."

"And this large white one?"

"That is $1000."

"So he knows, what, 100 words? Holy crap!"

"No sir, that one doesn't talk"

"What are you kidding me? What does he do then"

"Well, he just sits there and eats"

"Then how come he's $1000, and the other 2 that can talk are much cheaper?"

"Because he's their boss."


#7
Quote by Izz
Iron Maiden

HAHHAHAHAHAHHA

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! I have a good one too, METALLICA!!!!!!!1111111 LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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#8
Quote by Mad Marius
Ok I got one:

A guy wanks into a pet store and asks to buy a talking parrot;

"Very well sir, we have this one, he costs $200 and he knows 20 different words"

"What about this one?"

"This one is $500 and knows 50 different words."

"And this large white one?"

"That is $1000."

"So he knows, what, 100 words? Holy crap!"

"No sir, that one doesn't talk"

"What are you kidding me? What does he do then"

"Well, he just sits there and eats"

"Then how come he's $1000, and the other 2 that can talk are much cheaper?"

"Because he's their boss."


He wanks into a store ? xD
#9
Congratulations!!!!! You're our 999,999th joke thread!


But come on man, don't you hate it when old joke threads get bumped.

A guy wanks into a pet store and asks to buy a talking parrot;

"Very well sir, we have this one, he costs $200 and he knows 20 different words"

"What about this one?"

"This one is $500 and knows 50 different words."

"And this large white one?"

"That is $1000."

"So he knows, what, 100 words? Holy crap!"

"No sir, that one doesn't talk"

"What are you kidding me? What doesn he do then"

"Well, he just sits there and eats"

"Then how come he's $1000, and the other 2 that can talk are much cheaper?"

"Because he's their boss."


wanks??

dirty boy!

yo.

I BELIEVE
#10
Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other "Do you smell carrots?"
Quote by Bumper
Looks like you had a big bowl of Downs Syndrome for breakfast.



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#11
whats round and vicious? an angry circle!!!!!!!

best christmas cracker joke i ever read!
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#13
Quote by indie-bassist
Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other "Do you smell carrots?"


#14
Iron Maiden

HAHHAHAHAHAHHA


It's funny because they sell their music for teh lotsa moneyz.

A guy stops to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. His friend says, "My feet are cold. Would you get me my sneakers for me?"
The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend's two gorgeous daughters.
He says, "Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to fuck you."
The first daughter says, "That's not true."
He says, "I'll prove it."
He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"
His friend yells back, "Of course, both of them."
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#15
here's a joke


This thread
LAWLS ensues
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#16
Quote by Teh Traineez0rz
It's funny because they sell their music for teh lotsa moneyz.

A guy stops to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. His friend says, "My feet are cold. Would you get me my sneakers for me?"
The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend's two gorgeous daughters.
He says, "Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to fuck you."
The first daughter says, "That's not true."
He says, "I'll prove it."
He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"
His friend yells back, "Of course, both of them."


#17
Quote by Cardboard
He wanks into a store ? xD



oops
Dear God, do you actually answer prayers?

Yes, but only in a way indistinguishable from random luck or the result of your own efforts.
#18
i havea few jokes.

Left Handed Guitarists

and wait for it.....


Left Handed Bassists haha


i'll get me coat
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
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#19
A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"
The mother is stunned. "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."
"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."
yo.

I BELIEVE
#21
I'm getting them off a site i was on the other day. I can't tell if you're being sarcastic.
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I BELIEVE
#23
Why do women like BMW's? 'Cos they can spell it.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? None, feminists can't change anything.