#1
A gun blast,
Is what killed him last Sunday.
His momma,
Got the call that cold Monday.

She dropped the phone,
Her soul sank right with it,
They hit the floor,
All in the same minute.

“Why?” she cries,
Her baby’s gone,
Part of her died,
Damn that phone…

CHORUS
Seventeen,
A good ole boy,
Promising future.
Had everything,
Yeah that boy,
Stole the heart of his mother.
Seventeen,
Who woulda known?
His life was through,
Leavin’ his momma alone,
Yeah-y-yeah,
Damn that phone…


I am not quite finished with this piece, but I'd like an idea of how it's doing. Please crit and also rate it on a scale of 1-10? I'd be so appreciative. Thanks everyone and I hope you like it.
cHEER uP, eMO kiD!
#2
lol the new eminem?xD
Quote by darkstar2466

I love you.


Quote by rabidguitarist

Can I be your adopted parent? I'd love you like a real son.


"Arguing over the internet is like the special olympics. No matter who wins, your both still retards." - A man of many muffins
#3
It sounds like one of those stereotypical r&b "we miss you" songs

But ok if thats where you're heading
#5
lol thanks guys...and i'm not sure bout the eminem thing LOL it's supposed to be a coutnry song about like a shooting at a school or something lol but I guess it does sound a bit like guns and lotsa death lol thanks
cHEER uP, eMO kiD!
#7
I see. Thanks! Yeah, country doesn't seem to be everyone's favorite!! Thanks, bud.
cHEER uP, eMO kiD!
#8
Hey cool song! I really like how you rhyme "with it" with "minute." Thanks a lot for your comments on mine, you seem to be my biggest fan!