#1
ok this song was writen by my friend matt but it wont let him post threads from his account so i posted it for him


(Evil voice)
I have come for your soul. HAHAHA!!!

Get up on the hill and ready to die,
No where to run so don’t even try.
Taking lives like it’s some kind of game.
Who knew killing could gain such fame?

You can’t destroy it cause it is destruction,
You can’t kill it cause it is death,
satin’s servant, and the thief of souls
He’s the grim
The grim reaper

Killing the living to dine on their flesh
He kills for his master and the immortal soul
Gathers the blood and mixes with souls
To brew the lethal concoction on which it feeds

Ripping through flesh and hacking through bone
The blade of the beast slides swiftly through
Killing the mortals and taking their souls
To his home in hell so he can feed

You can’t destroy it cause it is destruction,
You can’t kill it cause it is death,
satin’s servant, and the thief of souls
He’s the grim
The grim reaper

Death is the name, killing the game
It’s fun for the reaper to bury them deeper
Down in their gave because it’s closer hell.

Man causes war
That just makes more work for the reaper
They think their weapons are what cause death
But they’re only signal for the reaper to come.

You can’t destroy it cause it is destruction,
You can’t kill it cause it is death,
satin’s servant, and the thief of souls
He’s the grim
The grim reaper
Last edited by tay1392 at Jan 6, 2007,
#2
Please don't do your friend any more favors. Let him remain unable to post, please. Now I have to clean up the vomit on the floor.
#3
To the guy above me- Unless you post why it's bad, keep your comments to yourself. That was uncalled for.


My only suggestion is there are a few places in your song where it the rhyming sounds forced (blue); sounded juvenile, stronger word choice/revision needed (red); repeating old info, very repetitive (green); flow needs some work (orange).

Get up on the hill and ready to die,
No where to run so don’t even try.

Taking lives like it’s some kind of game.
Who knew killing could gain such fame?

You can’t destroy it cause it is destruction,
You can’t kill it cause it is death,

satan’s servant, and the thief of souls
He’s the grim
The grim reaper
Just wanted to point out, I like the two last lines. Flows well.

Killing the living to dine on their flesh
He kills for his master and the immortal soul
Gathers the blood and mixes with souls
To brew the lethal concoction on which it feeds

Ripping through flesh and hacking through bone
The blade of the beast slides swiftly through
Killing the mortals and taking their souls
To his home in hell so he can feed

You can’t destroy it cause it is destruction,
You can’t kill it cause it is death,
satin’s servant, and the thief of souls
He’s the grim
The grim reaper

Death is the name, killing the game First verse. Try rehprasing.
It’s fun for the reaper to bury them deeper
Down in their gave because it’s closer hell.

Man causes war
That just makes more work for the reaper
They think their weapons are what cause death
But they’re only signal for the reaper to come.

You can’t destroy it cause it is destruction,
You can’t kill it cause it is death,
satin’s servant, and the thief of souls
He’s the grim
The grim reaper

Overall, this is pretty good. If you have any questions about the stuff I colored, let me know. I'd be happy to explain. Great job.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#4
Thanks for helping my friend so much on all his songs nerk13, I really appreciated that you took the time to critique it. Any songs you would like help on just let me know!
#5
Yeah, could you look at my new one, Prosthetic People? Thanks.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep