#1
Hey. During my life I have gone through punishment for things other people did. So I decided to write a song about a guy who's in the electric chair for something somebody else did. It's a very personal song for me. So please crit it...

There is no saving me
Trapped in this electric seat
With braces around my feet
And arms

All I have is hope for
Justice and nothing more
For them to find the truth
How the killer is really you

I have just you to blame
You're the one who wanted the name
And you're the one who framed
Your friend

No chance to turn back
Because you stabbed me in the back
Now I just sit and try to explain
How it wasn't me

How can I meet this end?
Betrayed by my only friend
So you could have the upper hand
You killed

Innocant man, didn't know
Whether he was coming or going
You were always second best to me
But you never seemed to ever give a ****

It all comes down to this
If I go to heaven or hell
The gods will forgive you
But

If I'm reincarnated
I will hunt you down
No matter what

So run for your life
I will get revenge

I will get ****ing revenge
Quote by MightyAl
I lean towards Butthole Surfers because only a butthole would carry a surfboard around a town.

Teh Gearz:

Cruiser Stratocaster
Feng Ling G15 Amplifier
Digitech Grunge Pedal
Daphon E20PH Phaser Pedal
#2
Quote by South-of-Heaven
Hey. During my life I have gone through punishment for things other people did. So I decided to write a song about a guy who's in the electric chair for something somebody else did. It's a very personal song for me. So please crit it...

There is no saving me
Trapped in this electric seat
With braces around my feet
And arms
Good opening, except I would do with braces around my arms and feet instead

All I have is hope for
Justice and nothing more
For them to find the truth
How the killer is really you
This verse is ok, but it could be better. I think it would sound better if the last verse rhymed with the second verse, or the one before it. But its a minor thing, its fine as it is.

I have just you to blame
You're the one who wanted the name
And you're the one who framed
Your friend
Great verse.

No chance to turn back
Because you stabbed me in the back
Now I just sit and try to explain
How it wasn't me
Again, great verse. Not much to change here.

How can I meet this end?
Betrayed by my only friend
So you could have the upper hand
You killed
This verse was ok but is this supposed to run into the next one?

Innocant man, didn't know
Whether he was coming or going
You were always second best to me
But you never seemed to ever give a ****
This verse is a little trippy. I think you could make it better

It all comes down to this
If I go to heaven or hell
The gods will forgive you
But

If I'm reincarnated
I will hunt you down
No matter what
This verse and the previous one are good but I think you could make them one verse.

So run for your life
I will get revenge
Simple, yet effective.

I will get ****ing revenge I think that the swearing here is really unnesscary. I know this a personal thing for you, but I just don't think it would sound good in a song.

Pretty good for the most part.

EDIT: Crit for crit? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=499474
"Imagine all the people, sharing all the world"
-John Lennon
Last edited by Punk Rocker at Jan 7, 2007,