#1
-Acoustic break-

Awake.
Awake from your slumber.

-Verse 1-

The wind...
The wind is blowing...
Moving past my head...
Caressing me...

The sea is crashing under
The waves are moving free
Shimmer the lights do freely
Enlosing upon me

-Interlude-

Gently wake
To see the sun
A bird sings
The only one

A gentle breeze
Does kiss goodbye
To touch your eyes
One last time

-Interlude 2-

Pyreflies
Upon a windowsill
Glowing silently
Await

The fateful morn
Lies in it's wake
To bid you farewell
Till another day...
Alta Vera - My real life alternative rock band.
Ashen Spire - My personal metal band.

Super Mario, F-Zero & Dragonball Z covers!

PSN: whatev27

Let me ask you, does a machine like yourself ever experience fear?

#2
i like your emotional lyrics style... I like verse 1... its makes me remember something...good job
#3
This is a great piece, you've created a decent progression. The story feels complete and its very good. But what lets you down is the need to rhyme. In places you've sacrificed not only content, but also grammar in order to rhyme

"Shimmer the lights do freely" No! lol, lights dont "do" they're inanimate, also

"Does kiss goodbye" It just sounds awkward.

And to be honest your decision to cut the filler words, and structure this like a list. Could mean you suffer when putting music to it. In terms of singing it will seem stuttery, instead of smooth. Just a point.

Anyway other than that its a decent piece.

peACE
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.