#1
My bands other guitarist wrote it, so be as harsh as you want, any tips or editing appreciated. Crit for Crit, of course, just supply a link.

ED GEIN (written by Raphael Chaskalson)

(Verse chords)

This is the story of someone I once knew
His true name was known to very few in school
A shadow eyed child, small-time in school
A silent wraith, but he’s no fool…

(chorus chords)

And where he walked, they start to frown
Instinctively, they hit the town
For in his eyes, they saw a fate
That instilled their hearts…. With hate

(v chords)

And his childhood fury grew with cosmic force
And he began to fantasize, of the pain he could endorse
He tells himself I can, I can, I can become a man
And a roaring malice grew within his chest
And he thinks to himself:
Which appliances, would be the best…

(ch chords)

And so a killer was born
In the depths of time there was a dawn
Of darkness, blood and dust
To appease his male lust

And now the streets are a dangerous place
It’s your terminal breath when you see his face
His empty eyes are like glass
Then its maximum pain, before you pass

Then his mind clears, and there’s serenity
As he comes to grips with reality
He kneels, breaks down and cries
He kneels, breaks down and cries…

(chorus chords fade out)
"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, your eyes will get sore after a while."
#3
Quote by Cardboard
I like "Dead Skin Mask" by Slayer more :p

But it sounds ok though ^^


Ah crap purely coincedence though.
"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, your eyes will get sore after a while."
#4
And where he walked, they start to frown
Instinctively, they hit the town
For in his eyes, they saw a fate
That instilled their hearts…. With hate

I don't like the use of he/his and they in this verse, its baffling. Rhyme scheme is rather force to, they don't hate someone that they have total disregard for.

And his childhood fury grew with cosmic force
And he began to fantasize, of the pain he could endorse
He tells himself I can, I can, I can become a man
And a roaring malice grew within his chest
And he thinks to himself:
Which appliances, would be the best…

He would like the kitchen refrigerator, last line has to go to. Doesn't fit in with the rest of it, maybe I am missing the allusion but just doesn't fit.

And now the streets are a dangerous place
It’s your terminal breath when you see his face
His empty eyes are like glass
Then its maximum pain, before you pass

Terminal breath just doesn't fit, maybe change it to last breath. Last line also, maximum pain? No try to reword that, just doesn't fit either. Maybe change it to, 'All you feel is pain, before you pass'.