#1
well, i'm no van gogh
but i'm painting us as well as i can.
picasso portraits of our fair city
have begun to mirror the problems at hand.
they're out looking for someone's daughter
and the searchlights line the roads.
by the time they uncover the body,
their bibles' pages will be worn to the bone.

if you're on the way,
then you're a bit too late.
if you're on the scene,
you're gonna make yourself a name.
if you're on the way,
then you're a bit too late.
if you're on the scene,
you've got yourself a front row seat.

camera flashes sound off again
as the vultures find a means to their end.
a somber voice soaked in unrest
sounds somewhere in my chest.
"it's days like these, and men like us
that make me wish i could never love."
it's days like these, and men like us
that make me wish i could never love.

if you're on the way,
then you're a bit too late.
if you're on the scene,
you're gonna make yourself a name.
if you're on the way,
then you're a bit too late.
if you're on the scene,
you've got yourself a front row seat.

how do you sleep at night?
why do we let you breathe?
i'm having trouble closing my eyes,
because i'm just as guilty.
#3
well, i'm no van gogh
but i'm painting us as well as i can.
picasso portraits of our fair city
have begun to mirror the problems at hand.

i like this - brought to mind the da vinci code for some reason
Gear:
Epiphone SG-G400
Yamaha APX-500
Marshall MG50DFX


Aerosmith @ Hyde Park Calling 24/06/07
The Who @ Wembley Arena 26/06/07

#4
Quote by stjoejake
well, i'm no van gogh
but i'm painting us as well as i can. This line is a bit wordy if its going to be sung
picasso portraits of our fair city
have begun to mirror the problems at hand.
they're out looking for someone's daughter
and the searchlights line the roads.
by the time they uncover the body,
their bibles' pages will be worn to the bone.
I liked this whole verse, only problem i found was above ^

if you're on the way,
then you're a bit too late.
if you're on the scene,
you're gonna make yourself a name.
if you're on the way,
then you're a bit too late.
if you're on the scene,
you've got yourself a front row seat.
This is some catchy stuff, i like it.

camera flashes sound off again
as the vultures find a means to their end.
a somber voice soaked in unrest
sounds somewhere in my chest.
"it's days like these, and men like us
that make me wish i could never love."
it's days like these, and men like us
that make me wish i could never love.
I love the alliteration on the 3rd/4th lines, and the rest of the verse is good too

if you're on the way,
then you're a bit too late.
if you're on the scene,
you're gonna make yourself a name.
if you're on the way,
then you're a bit too late.
if you're on the scene,
you've got yourself a front row seat.

how do you sleep at night?
why do we let you breathe?
i'm having trouble closing my eyes,
because i'm just as guilty.
Like it.

I'd give this a 7 or 8/10, i couldnt find anything really wrong with it. I really liked it and the imagery it gives. Its very well written in my opinion.

Would appreciate it if you crit'd this https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=7843006#post7843006
#5
thanks, guys...ill crit all of your latest work as soon as i get some time to sit down and actually read them lol.