#1
This is my first entry here, and the first song I've written and completed. It has no name, so if you guys could suggest a few that you think would fit, that would help me out a lot.

Verse 1:
A new day, "One Way",
Fatigue, feel tired eyes.
The key's in the ignition
The seatbelt, I'm strapped in.
A motorway, a freeway,
Driving fast: It's my way.
Pay toll, slow down,
Hit the breaks. Stop right now.


Chorus:
When will I go home?
(My destination)
When will I feel whole?
(My destination)

Life goes on.
Keep moving.


Verse 2:
Street lights, parking lots,
Maybe I went too far.
Back up, a U-turn.
A full stop. I'll try again.
Asphalt, it's my fault,
Do I know where I am?
Fill up, I'm ready now,
Yield now, go again.


Chorus:
When will I go home?
(At my destination)
When will I feel whole?
(At my destination)

Life goes on.
Keep moving.


Bridge:
Some day I'm going to crash,
Into a wall inside my own head,
I won't move ever again
All the signs will read "Dead End",
I'll brake from all the noise
That dominates my head...

Life goes on.
Keep moving.
#2
The key's in the ignition
The seatbelt, I'm strapped in.
A motorway, a freeway,
Driving fast: It's my way.
Pay toll, slow down,
Hit the breaks. Stop right now.

2nd line, I would change, 'The seatbelt, I'm strapped in.' Just doesn't sound right. 3rd line, a motorway? Is that a word? This is not a good start, imo. Sorry.

When will I go home?
(My destination)
When will I feel whole?
(My destination)

Life goes on.
Keep moving.

Excellent chorus, for the message you're trying to relay. I like it. But the 2nd 'My destination' doesn't exactly fit with the previous line, but I don't think it matters.

Street lights, parking lots,
Maybe I went too far.
Back up, a U-turn.
A full stop. I'll try again.
Asphalt, it's my fault,
Do I know where I am?
Fill up, I'm ready now,
Yield now, go again.

Okay, its alright if you want to say how you get somewhere but you're just delaying what you want to try and get across. You need to add more metaphors and analogies, just a suggestion. It's all pretty straight-forward, which I don't like.

Some day I'm going to crash,
Into a wall inside my own head,
I won't move ever again
All the signs will read "Dead End",
I'll brake from all the noise
That dominates my head...

See you shouldn't get to the point at the end of the song. It's just senseless. Now your references to driving in your head, but it seems to late.

This definately needs revised, possibly even reworked. It has potential though, good job, just work on it.
#5
Quote by SLD.Potato
This is my first entry here, and the first song I've written and completed. It has no name, so if you guys could suggest a few that you think would fit, that would help me out a lot.

Verse 1:
A new day, "One Way",
Fatigue, feel tired eyes.
The key's in the ignition
The seatbelt, I'm strapped in.
A motorway, a freeway,
Driving fast: It's my way.
Pay toll, slow down,
Hit the breaks. Stop right now.


Chorus:
When will I go home?
(My destination)
When will I feel whole?
(My destination)

Life goes on.
Keep moving.


Verse 2:
Street lights, parking lots,
Maybe I went too far.
Back up, a U-turn.
A full stop. I'll try again.
Asphalt, it's my fault,
Do I know where I am?
Fill up, I'm ready now,
Yield now, go again.


Chorus:
When will I go home?
(At my destination)
When will I feel whole?
(At my destination)

Life goes on.
Keep moving.


Bridge:
Some day I'm going to crash,
Into a wall inside my own head,
I won't move ever again
All the signs will read "Dead End",
I'll brake from all the noise
That dominates my head...

Life goes on.
Keep moving.



Well it kicks the shit out of my first song so good job on that. The bridge is probably my favorite part. In the last line of the verse it seems like the word "right" isn't nescesary so take that out. The chorus is good because when you have a good arangement and a good singer for those kinds of chorus's or lines like that they always end up great. Good job.

By The Way I have a song called life goes on so if you can do me a favor. Once you choose the title don't make it that. Check out my new song it's called Ink Blots