#1
some 1 drop me some crit and i'll give ya some back.

theres no beating in my heart
my eyes are sewing shut i'am blind
the doors now opened it's cold outside
the taste for mercy answers me at midnight

why do you take me
for a fool
why do you take me
and throw me away

my grandmother told me never hit a girl
but thats ok your a ****ing *****
and i know i'am nothing special
now that i have become the living dead

why do you take me
for a fool
why do you take me
and throw me away

tonight I write the final chapter in blood
and i'll describe how much you ment to me
now I lay in the darkest hour
pressed down towards hell slowly dying
When something great comes along, grasp and never let go
#2
Please none of the symbols in the thread title. New rule since it got out of hand before. I've edited it this time.

Thanks
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#3
thnx... but any crit?
When something great comes along, grasp and never let go
#4
Sorry I dont have the time, give a few others some crits, and give them a link. They'll get back.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#5
The first two lines aren't the most original of lines but they work i guess.
I'd say the whole song is a good starting point but i think that it could be improved alot more.
And also the title of "fools gold" you may want to change as there is a very famous songs by the stone roses of the same name.
Hope this was some help, i don't mean to sound whingy.
And mine are in my latest is in my sig. if could check it out please.
#6
whingy nahh it's alright yeah i'll check yours out
When something great comes along, grasp and never let go