#1
"Plaque-Stained Teeth and Neon Black Guitar Strings."

Turn up the volume 'till I'm deaf
and give me hands that can play
a harp strung with barbed-wire
because we're done with guitar
lessons and I still can't play Stairway
and I'm in love.

Spin wheels of furtune so hard
I can practically hear "Ka-ching
a-ching-ching!"
because my city's under my city
and they paved over my
old love-life with years of
tree's finally dying and I'm pissed
because I can't draw.

I see eye in every
apartment closet
and every orphanarium
and every swans down-feather
and prescription medicine
for my "stupid fingers"
because we're young
and badly-drawn
and in love.
Wade in the water, child.
#2
Quote by AWA
"Plaque-Stained Teeth and Neon Black Guitar Strings."

Turn up the volume 'till I'm deaf
and give me hands that can play
a harp strung with barbed-wire
because we're done with guitar
lessons and I still can't play Stairway
and I'm in love.

Spin wheels of furtune so hard
I can practically hear "Ka-ching
a-ching-ching!"
because my city's under my city
and they paved over my
old love-life with years of
tree's finally dying and I'm pissed
because I can't draw.

I see eye in every
apartment closet
and every orphanarium <this part is a little repetative try something else, like
and every swans down-feather < I see eyes in every closet, orphanarium, and the
and prescription medicine < feathers of a swan. The light shines in my eyes,
for my "stupid fingers" < A sticky mess....>
because we're young
and badly-drawn
and in love.


Ok, so, I think this song is good, but what is the feel? Rock, Blues, Country? Intro is a good one and captures the attention, but the 2nd stanza is a little weak, but good none the less. 3rd part ^^
Tell me what you think, just saying, it is a good one though!
#3
Quote by AWA
"Plaque-Stained Teeth and Neon Black Guitar Strings."

Turn up the volume 'till I'm deaf
and give me hands that can play
a harp strung with barbed-wire
because we're done with guitar
lessons and I still can't play Stairway
and I'm in love.



Whilst not particularly exciting-you've captured a nice swing with this introduction, and really-excitement crashes and burns too soon, better to have rythmn. I particularly like the seemingly irrelevant nature of the last line, and yet-it fits so nicely, its like trying to do a jigsaw and the one bit you reckon wont go fits like a glove, surprising and slightly refreshing.


Quote by AWA
"Plaque-Stained Teeth and Neon Black Guitar Strings."


Spin wheels of furtune so hard
I can practically hear "Ka-ching
a-ching-ching!"
because my city's under my city
and they paved over my
old love-life with years of
tree's finally dying and I'm pissed
because I can't draw.


Not too fond of the first two lines of this-nothing that i particularly hate

the idea of "my citys under my city and they paved over my old love-life" on the other hand, i imagine that would be capable of inspiring the poet in all of us hahaha


Quote by AWA
"Plaque-Stained Teeth and Neon Black Guitar Strings."



I see eye in every
apartment closet
and every orphanarium
and every swans down-feather
and prescription medicine
for my "stupid fingers"
because we're young
and badly-drawn
and in love.


Again theres nothing i would change, this song isnt jumping up in my face but hey im years too old for being a high school rebel and i dont require any shock factor, this reminds me of that song you hear playing in a backstreet jazz bar, smokey atmosphere, shot of whiskey in front of you and theres some tune playing thats got you tapping your feet and nodding-but you wont go home and look it up, its just nice in the moment. If that makes any sense.

crit for crit?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=500042
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
#5
"Plaque-Stained Teeth and Neon Black Guitar Strings."

Turn up the volume 'till I'm deaf
and give me hands that can play
a harp strung with barbed-wire
because we're done with guitar
lessons and I still can't play Stairway
and I'm in love.

The first three lines are well written, but the lines that i enjoy the most are the last three, they just have a great feel to them. I guess it kind of captures they way i also felt first trying to play guitar and bass and being young and i totally understand it.

Spin wheels of furtune so hard
I can practically hear "Ka-ching
a-ching-ching!"
because my city's under my city
and they paved over my
old love-life with years of
tree's finally dying and I'm pissed
because I can't draw.

The first three lines are ok, but they seem to not fit very well with the rest of the stanza. I enjoy the last few lines though,o nce again its got the the young and pissed at the world feeling that all of us can remember.

I see eye in every
apartment closet
and every orphanarium
and every swans down-feather
and prescription medicine
for my "stupid fingers"
because we're young
and badly-drawn
and in love.

Great, there is absolutely nothing i would change about this. I love the entire piece and i think its awesome personally.
#6
Randy, I don't know whether you're complimenting me, or calling me unoriginal.

Thanks for the crits. This song is about an episode of Futurama, but there was something about this particular episode that struck something deep in me..
Wade in the water, child.
#7
I really like this song. Its light hearted and has a great groove to it. Reminds me of something the white stripes might do. I like the content of the lyrics too. Good job 8.5/10