#1
Ok, first song on here! I want to know what everyone thinks. I'm looking for aspects that people like and things that may need to change!

Thanks for the help!

Remember Me

I hate to see you,
Every word’s a trap,
Just let me stop,
I’ll take a step back.
She’s stolen my heart,
But won’t help me out
Time for you to leave,
My hate is growing.
If you don’t let go,
I will expose you!
Please forgive me,
I don’t want to die alone!

________Chorus________________

Remember me
When the world turn black.
I’ll always have your back!
Lost in time
Pull my mind,
There’s nothing to fear
This is OUR YEAR!!

_________Verse 2_______________

Stuck in a trance
Not knowing where you are,
My words mean nothing,
Your deepest fears come alive!
If only I could revive,
The resting spirit inside!
Nothings holding us back,
I think we could fly
I hope you understand,
I Love You~!
Nothing will change,
Stop acting so strange,
Just hold on a little longer

_____Chorus<Repeat>___________

Remember me,
When the world turns black,
I’ve got your back
We’re lost in time
Still pulling my mind,
There is nothing to fear,
This is OUR YEAR!!


==========MAIN SOLO==========


_________Verse 3_______________

Wake me up,
I cannot breath,
The air’s so thick
Just remember this
I still love you~!
Sleep in peace!
Don’t regret
I’m yours forever,
Nothing can break our bond,
I’ve missed you so much.
Now that your back,
PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

===MINI SOLO=====

==End==
#3
im a bit confused with the first verse it seems to me in the first verse you resent them but in the rest of the song you want them and love them it might just be me but it feels that it changes subjects i think you just need to keep focus gd song

please crit mine
#4
A guy was in love with a girl, but the girl whom he didn't like wouldn't leave him alone. So he is trying to get the message through to the girl who is in a coma! hense the I love you~! The last verse she still wont wake up so he gets frustrated and screams Remember me! in a question say hey! dont you remember me at all! wake up for me please. Well thats about it! Thanks very very much for the crit!!!
#5
In the chorus, the 3rd and 4th lines should be switched, inorder to make it more fluent.
#6
for future reference--

!!!!!! makes it look stupid so edit those out. so does the caps lock thing. just write the words it doesn't matter where the guitar solo is.

as to the song, it's okay but it would be better if what you were saying was more original. comatose love affair is not that overdone, so it would be easier to come up with a better way to say it

Cheers
Quote by HendrixEdge
My work will never be to the majority's tastes; and to be honest; I've no problem in accepting that.


If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite.
#7
first song eh, was not bad. Some rhyming seems forced, could be the way Im reading it but it makes it seem choppy in the Verses....my latest is " Lipstick on the table" appreciate a crit.