#1
a poem i wrote last night, feedback/tips really appreciated. thanks.

Don't close your eyes
You can't hide your fear
When all love dies
Not all pain will clear

Oh aren't you aching?
See what solitude does to the heart
It's your happiness im taking
Blissful ignorance on your part

Silence should be respected
Already you were in too deep
I've been so affected
Couldn't bear to make the leap

Pause the scene
Oh, do you recall?
So young at fifteen
Did it even happen at all?

Don't close your eyes
I'm trying to forget you
When all love dies
You know we're through


I don't really like the very last line, any ideas? has to continue rhyme pattern.
#3
I would suggest changing up the rhyming meter once in awhile, just to keep it interesting.

The last line on all the verses except the second to me, sounded very bland and overdone. I would suggest rewriting them with stronger verbs to specify what you mean.


Other than that, the rest is fine. I would suggest spicing it up a bit and such, but otherwise it's cool. Great job, man.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep