#1
This is the first post I've put on here that is OTS, so tell me what you think. Also, I know it is not that long, so don't bother telling me how short it is. There is a possibility that I will expand on this later, but I just felt like putting it up tonight. Thanks


I’m stuck within the morning after
Where the roses in your hands
Seem to be all that I can remember

Because now my shadow can
No longer break the empty space
That rests from the tip of your toes
To the silence that lies beneath
A cold hard floor that hasn’t been touched
For weeks…

I can no longer hear your voice
These memories fade away
So quickly
Too quickly
#2
Though it is a cliche piece, it does not give the boring feel of a cliche piece. The first line works very well with the second, but the third line bogs the effectiveness down a bit. I recommend an alternate wording to make it more original.

In the second stanza I don't find anythign wrong with what you have to say or the way you say it. It seems like standard writing but it actually has a strong feeeling of genuine longing to it. Most people can't write somethign so simple with genuine feelings, so I say +1 for you.

However the ending feels very childish and simple. If you were aiming to have a simple ending then you have done well - but if not, I think you should end with some form of metaphor or something less obvious.

Overall, it wasn't bad but it wasn't spectacular. I'd say you had some great elements to it, but that in other places it was lacking the same drive that was in 'real' places.
#3
Because now my shadow can
No longer break the empty space
That rests from the tip of your toes
To the silence that lies beneath
A cold hard floor that hasn’t been touched
For weeks…


3rd line needs to be the 'tips of your toes' because there are more then one tip. Last line, I would add something to end it properly. Like 'For weeks on end, reminescent of me and you'. Something like that, I don't know use it as you see fit.

Overall decent piece, I enjoyed it. Keep writing.
#4
I’m stuck within the morning after
Where the roses in your hands
Seem to be all that I can remember

I like the flow have this, even though I have to read it a certain way to make it flow.


Because now my shadow can
No longer break the empty space
That rests from the tip of your toes
To the silence that lies beneath
A cold hard floor that hasn’t been touched
For weeks…

I like this alot, except there could have been a few rhymes tagged on the end of the lines, but it's fine with out any

I can no longer hear your voice
These memories fade away
So quickly
Too quickly

This was an okay ending

I liked this alot, seriously, like I said before I love stuff like this. Sorry but I can't think of any way to improve it.