#1
unrecognizable faces and unfamiliar places
leads me to believe that winter never ends
sometimes i try so hard to be accepted
sometimes failing has to become the trend

now i'm no stranger to change
and some things don't end up how we planned
we had something worth fighting for
but somehow you just didn't understand

i'm washed up, i'm burned out
i'm reminscing over past times
i can't keep myself together
i'm staring at a wall i can't climb

sometimes i see you
and i don't know what to do
you're just the kind of person who
is always just out of reach


This is the now edited version with what i think are words that convey what i want to say better.
Last edited by guitardan76 at Jan 29, 2007,
#2
The first line reminds me of the R.E.M. song but that stanza is a good idea and you get your point across. Ends and end isn't that greatest rhymes though. You've probably heard it a million times because I deffinately have but I'll say it again, you don't have to rhyme. The second stanza seems like it was way too forced. The last line in the third stanza is great but if I were you, I'd change the third line.
#3
This is great. Do you plan on adding any more? The only thing I can say would be to add more content. Don't really see any mistakes, sorry.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#4
Quote by private
The first line reminds me of the R.E.M. song but that stanza is a good idea and you get your point across. Ends and end isn't that greatest rhymes though. You've probably heard it a million times because I deffinately have but I'll say it again, you don't have to rhyme. The second stanza seems like it was way too forced. The last line in the third stanza is great but if I were you, I'd change the third line.



i guess i haven't heard the REM song but i was thinking the same thing with the ends and end.. i just haven't worked on fixing it yet.

and i was planning on adding more stuff later.
#5
Loved it but i agree with what private said, i would write it out myself but i dont see the point in just repeating. So just imagine thats what i said lol.

could you take a look at my latest?
ta
#6
I like it... ends and end... meh, it can work... I thought it flowed well and it read very easily... I will look for you to add more and then do a full line by line crit on it... cheers bro, (links to mine in sig)
#7
Alright i already left a crit on casper's and am gonna start working on fixing it up.