#1
"It's a freak-out."



It's 8:00 p.m.
Still early as far as I'm concerned, and
I keep myself concerned with hedonism.
It was one of those nights that make you
want to try cocaine.
We sat at those small, round metallic wobbly tables
at a worldwide coffe conglomerate
(You know the one; the one that's broken
a million hearts, launched a thousand ships,
and have sank just as many).
We sat there.
Me in my two year old jeans that I never take off
and my black sports coat I had bought for $2 at the
Salvation Army (Salvation for what? My fucking soul?).
Everyone else is infinitely cooler than me
in their trendy clothes and trendy hair.
I had to get up and walk to my car:
"I left my cigarette lighter."
Not true.
They had seen me light seven cigarettes since we've
been there.
Anything to just get gone.
I had become infuriated after I saw her reaching for her lighter
in her purse. She couldn't find it, so he put his lit
cigarette to her unlit cigarette. It was still in her mouth and
so was his. It was like a union of cigarette lovers.
Fire kisses.
I'd become disgusted by this banality so I went
to my car, popped some aspirin, did ten jumping jacks
in the parking lot then went back to the round table.
And for some fu
cking reason, the three couples I had been
sitting with (the lung cancer lovers and two more) decided
to kiss their mates at the same time.
Purely coincidence, I'm sure, but so disrespectful to my
plight: That people should never be happy.
I jumped from my seat in a hurry, knocking the chair over.
I mumbled my discontent: "I gotta go, I'm, uh, stuff that
should be done before tommorrow."
And I jetted my fucking ass out of there like Prefontaine
at his final race.
Like a Native American running from a tribal sacrifice.
Like Roman Polanksi from American customs.
And as I turned a corner by the brick wall, I didn't
completely leave. I eavesdropped, hoping that what they
were saying about me behind my back would be an insight
into my own madness:
"Well, he lost his best friends in a car crash last Christmas."
"His Uncle committed suicide last New Year's."
"He had a love that was a lost cause."
Maybe they're all right.
Poor advice.
#2
I wouldn't change a thing excpet perhaps:

'Anything to just get gone.'

It just deosn't sound right. Maybe:

'Anything to just be gone'
'Anything to just get out'

Unless of course you were aiming for this. I enjoyed it very much *clapping*. It's very well-written and is quite captivating because it is such a regular every day kind of story. I must admit I'm drawn to these thigns because I am unabel to write them. Could you check mine?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=501597
#3
Amazing, as usual. This is a poem, I gather?
Wade in the water, child.
#4
I had become infuriated after I saw her reaching for her lighter
in her purse. She couldn't find it, so he put his lit
cigarette to her unlit cigarette. It was still in her mouth and
so was his. It was like a union of cigarette lovers.
Fire kisses.

This was the best thing I have read in a long time. You are one of the two best writers on here bar-none. I love you.
#5
Beyond godlike. I quote the same thing as Synth as that particular bit being amazing, and you're writing ability being in the top two.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching