#1
Ok this is one of the first songs I have written... so go easy on me... I'd like feedback but don't make the neagative too harsh. The stuff in brackets is screamed.

Story of the Suffering

The pain grows fiercer and the thoughts get clearer
You live love and die the same
(But what happened to my life?
My soul sucked down a drain)
All I remember is a voice laced with cyanide
Hair with flaming beauty
(But what happened to my life?
My soul sucked down a drain)


(Kick and scream kick and scream
What does the fire text mean?
Burned into my mind and
Eating all my thoughts!)

Writing on paper with dots made by tears
What have I done all these years?
(What happened to my life?
My soul sucked down a drain)
The empty shell on the floor and blood on the walls
This black death lying in wait
What happened to my life?
My soul sucked away (AWAY!)

(Kick and scream kick and scream
What does the fire text mean?
Burned into my mind and
Eating all my thoughts!)

Empty shells and empty thoughts
Fire hair and fire words
Bloody wall and washed up paper
(Let me write my story for you)

What happened to my life?
(Empty shells and empty thoughts)
Each chapter fading more
(Fire hair and Fire Words)
I try to keep going but
(Bloody wall and washed paper)
My eyes fill with tears

(I just want to scream)
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Last edited by RenagadeFaction at Jan 9, 2007,
#2
Some of your lines (particularly the repeated screaming parts) come off as a little cliched, but there are a lot of really good images in there.

Quote by a few excerpts
a voice laced with cyanide
Hair with flaming beauty
Fire hair and fire words

Exquisite. I might go so far as to call them Dylanesque.
Death to Ovation haters!