#1
This is a poem that I wrote that can be turned into a song pretty easily. I like it a lot, but my opinion doesn't matter. Tell me what you think. BTW I'm only 15 so don't be too mean

I sit behind a mask of perfection,
Reality remains hidden.
Acceptance is the only protection,
Of self-respect and virtues, I am ridden.

Fueled by paranoia, driven by rage
Release me from this godforsaken cage.
I live in denial, fear and pain
Yet still this false personality remains.

Shaped by society as an image of perfection,
Because of the fear of another rejection.
But enough is enough: the image is dead,
One's paradise is another's dread.
Quote by screamingfool34
people here are idiot.
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the only good wahs out there are Slashs, Zacks, and Dimebags.
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im to tired and confused to comprehend what you said.
Last edited by PieceOfMind666 at Jan 10, 2007,
#2
this is kick-ass, is there a chorus or have you written it in its actual structure?
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sounds like....u need a...

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#3
Great work, it's given me inspiration to write more songs than i do, the only thing i would say is it's a bit short.....post the link when you record it coz it sounds awesome...good job man..
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#4
Yep i got to agree with METSOAD and Driveshift, this is a great song full of imagination and meatphors it's a powerful write and i'm sure alot of people would agree, all i would say is to make it abit longer, like Driveshift suggested, but it's still good
#5
thanks for replies. I could definitely make it longer, and throw in 5 lines to make a chorus. Thanks!
Quote by screamingfool34
people here are idiot.
Quote by Mr_H_MASTER
the only good wahs out there are Slashs, Zacks, and Dimebags.
Quote by evan1234567
im to tired and confused to comprehend what you said.