{Dont really care if its cliche'd or not, just feel like having a good old moan}

Graceful Anguish Before You.

Someday ill be a man,
Someday this world might seem worth living for,
But until that day has come,
I'll be the boy pain seems to adore.

Your mouth mimes those words,
But they cant be heard,
You might say them but what does that really mean?
I could say im happy here, but would it be fair?
Would it be the truth if you told me you care?

Whatever we have become through this,
Know that id regret it if i didnt love it so,
I'm sorry i express myself too much,
I'm sorry i'm not good enough,
This longful helix, twisting, turning
Forever growing nostalgic yearning.

Please inject my emotions straight into your heart,
So that you can feel as i do,
Take the silent pills of my angst,
So i can speak these words before they suffocate me,
I'm the martyr of your happiness, but how can i exist?
When your happiness doesn't want me.

I hold my head in the solemn crypt away from the world,
To let out the tears and noone will ever know,
I've finally realised, realised that you are the best,
But the best is to good for me, you're too good for me,
We should go our seperate ways and walk our paths apart,
'Cause you were'nt made for me, like i wasn't made to choose.

You're the graceful princess of the morning light,
Whilst i hide in the shadows of the midnight darkness,
Crossing the boundaries of time was never meant to happen,
We shouldn't have gone this far,
Shouldn't have lied to ourselves that this was more than infatuation,
And i lie, lie alone as is written on the scripts of my soul.
Wishing you could've looked past yourself,
And told me what i wanted to hear,
Instead you force the bullet of anguish,
Smashing the bottles on the fence of my inner sanctuary.
So i'll lie alone, apart from the world, forsaken to this,
Just remember that for the time we were together,
I felt alive.
wow, thats a lot to absorb!.... well I can say that I liked all of it except the 4th stanza seems really forced... in the third stanza the second line is forced and the rest flows beautifully.... in all actuality I thought this was a wonderful piece... good work bro, (links in sig for crits)
Thanks as for sounding forced, it really wasnt lol, i just sat down and wrote what came to mind, didnt really stop until i got to the end, it all just came out in one go, then i went back and tweaked a few things... but thanks for the input
Yeah I really like it, very poetic in places. The first verse sounds slightly weak to me but it picks up after that and seems to get better and better. The last verse has some reallly great lines in it such as "Smashing the bottles on the fence of my inner sanctuary." The only problem i can think of is that it might be a bit wordy to be a song, but as a poem its great.
Cheers for your comments on mine as well.

This ends tonight- https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=7889079#post7889079

Cut me down- https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=498430
Last edited by less_than_dave at Jan 11, 2007,