#1
well for some reason - after playing a show where i did a cover of "Cute Without The 'e'" by Taking Back Sunday - i wrote this song

And i've realised it has EXACTLY the flow as that song does so meh - it's got music and everything - when i've finished recording i'll put it up

Hope you Enjoy
__________________________________________________________________

Here's To Letting Go

Let me out of your head
While I find a replacement
Someone else, someone sophisticated
Hopefully someone you’re at war with
So I can be further under your skin
Latch on - just sink my teeth
That sounds like exactly what you did
So here’s to letting go

Tongue-tied and out of my depth
Show me something I haven’t seen yet
You’re old news but I can’t forget
How it feels to breathe you in deep
Tongue-tied and out of my depth
Show me something I haven’t seen yet
You’re old news but I can’t forget
How it feels to breathe you in…

With every mumbled word and
Every single second
I lose another heartbeat
To your worthless needs
No bitching, but what about me
A simple call for attention
Well **** you; someone’s listening

I haven’t been completely honest,
Faithful or even myself
I’m just another mistake
On the road to finding yourself
_______________________________________________________

p.s. i left out repeated choruses but the chorus is the second verse (tongue tied and out of my depth etc)
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Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#3
ill get it in the morning rwhen im more clear headed... i read the first stanza and it got my attention,unfortunately im too tire
------

as promised:
here you go.
------
Let me out of your head
While I find a replacement
Someone else, someone sophisticated
Hopefully someone you’re at war with
So I can be further under your skin
Latch on - just sink my teeth
That sounds like exactly what you did
So here’s to letting go
wow, i was recently dumped on my birthday,(i felt like mentioning that because im still bitter and i hate that bitch. sorry ) and i can really relate to this because that is exactly what she did, and thats exactly how i feel about the whole situation. very good, easily related to.

Tongue-tied and out of my depth
Show me something I haven’t seen yet
You’re old news but I can’t forget
How it feels to breathe you in deep
Tongue-tied and out of my depth
Show me something I haven’t seen yet
You’re old news but I can’t forget
How it feels to breathe you in…

great stanza nothing to change. i really like it.

With every mumbled word and
Every single second
I lose another heartbeat
To your worthless needs
No bitching, but what about me
A simple call for attention
Well **** you; someone’s listening
lol, i like this too and i cant say much about it because it is perfect. and like the two above it its easy to relate to.
I haven’t been completely honest,
Faithful or even myself
I’m just another mistake
On the road to finding yourselfd to read the rest.
i like this....but i am not fond of the end of the last line. i think it should end at "yourself"


overall, great job wit this. pm me when you get it recorded and it will go on my ipod, lol i really like it. 8.5/10
Last edited by TonyRandall at Jan 11, 2007,
#5
That's good stuff, please put the link up when u have recorded it so i can have a listen then i can give a detailed opinion but good work dude...
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#6
It's not the best I've seen from you. It's decent enough and then the second stanza just drops down into like childish name calling, basically. It just needs some time. It reads like you wrote it in about five minutes. I've seen some decent stuff from you, so you're past the point where this will pass for good, ya know?

And I didn't really get the flow of "Cute Without the E" when I was reading it, which is good. That means that you can get away with that much, so don't worry about it. Heh.
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#7
Wow, amazing i actually really like it.
but one thing, on the, "Tongue-tied and out of my depth"
i think you should put"Tongue-tied and out of my head"
i think it sounds better, and goes along with it way better, but thats just my opinion.
9/10
#8
Thanks man

I chose out of my depth because it's what you normally are when you're tongue tied, you're lost for words or can't get them out right so you're out of your depth. But with out of my head it would be like you were confused, but he's not confused, he just can't pull out the words

It's a nice idea, thanks

I'll crit you all back later
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#9
Normally I wouldn't care for something like this, but I like a lot of the wording you use in this particular piece. The ending does boil down to name calling, but otherwise this is a very solid lyrical work.
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#10
Wow thanks for all your crits guys, i need to fix the end of the second to last verse, i've re-read it through and it just seems really juvenile and immature.

So i'll mess with that and then i'll record it

Some of my other stuff is at this site - http://auals-god-destac.dmusic.com

If you want to have a look (click on the "music" tab on the site because there's a few songs that aren't on the main page)

And i'll record this as soon as i can

And get back to your crits too
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#13
Thanks guys i got back to all your crits, so i hope you enjoy it
Thanks again for your crits and i'll post a message on this when i get a recorded version up so keep checking if you want to have a look

Thanks heaps guys i'll post a new one soon if you want to have a look
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#14
I love the first three lines. Extremely clever. The chorus is very good too. I love taking back sundays lyrics so anything similar almost has to be good. I'd like to hear it when you get it recorded. The chorus seems fast paced to me? I think it'd be awesome as a song especially if it was upbeat and had a lot of energy. Great job.

crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=504148
#15
thanks man

well at the moment i am recording acoustically, but this week i am going to record more "punk/rock" type versions for a few of my songs because i have the house to myself and can actually blast it properly

Thanks for your crit, i'll get back to you soon
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#16
Tongue-tied and out of my depth
Show me something I haven’t seen yet
You’re old news but I can’t forget
How it feels to breathe you in deep
Tongue-tied and out of my depth
Show me something I haven’t seen yet
You’re old news but I can’t forget
How it feels to breathe you in…

Zat vould make an ecksellent chorus.

The whole thing's really good though. Like really, really good. I can kind of hear a tune for it already, but it doesn't sound like Cute Without the E. Still really, really good.
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#17
Hey guys i've recorded an acoustic version of this song on http://auals-god-destac.dmusic.com/ and so i hope you like

It goes for a while and the best bit isn't till about 5 minutes into it so if you want just skip to then :P

I'll record a proper version later, hope you like
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#19
thanks heaps man, glad you liked it
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."