#1
the dew drops glowed on blades of grass
like fragile beads of glass.
they let the sunset paint them gold.
and it was beautiful;
oh, it was more beautiful
than anything that i have ever seen.

did you swallow
a thousand lightbulbs
to look like the sunset
every time that you smile?
please,
don't stop smiling,
i am the horizon,
and i think that a sunset's
just what i need.

columns of moonbeams illuminated
the clouds like spotlights,
falling like snow, letting us know
just where we were at that moment.
and it was beautiful;
oh, it was more beautiful
than anything that i have ever seen.

did you drink
the night's moonlight
to look so bright
every time you open your eyes?
please,
don't stop shining,
i am the night sky,
and i think that some moonlight's
just what i need.

and you were beautiful;
oh, you were more beautiful
than anything that i have ever seen.

i dreamt of the
end of the world;
it was just you and me,
holding each other
on the edge of oblivion.
i said "never let go;
never let go of me,
because you're everything i need."

I just want to sleep forever.


Last edited by Grovermans at Jan 11, 2007,
#2
i'm in a particularly emo mood so that could be why, but these lyrics are really good, very good images and figurative language.....just altogether good writing. nice work kudos and keep pumpin em out
"I count the days to find, what was left behind. All of these names I clutch, will lead me to my home. Mothers and fathers start, to drown the living proof.....I cant remember these Lakes of Blood." - Cedric Bixler-Zavala
#4
wow i thought it was really good. especially:

did you swallow
a thousand lightbulbs
to look like the sunset
every time that you smile?
please,
don't stop smiling,
i am the horizon,
and i think that a sunset's
just what i need.

the fact you didn't try to rhyme everything, you just said what you said was really cool. and i don't think it's emo at all :S
#5
Not for me sorry....but then this isn't my kind of music....maybe if you put up a link to the recording when it's done my mind would change.....good luck anyway dude...
BECOME A FAN!

DISCO IS DEAD!

Quote by Minkaro
(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


Quote by Zeppo
Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!
#6
Quote by ScarredFaith
It's ok, Kyle. It's typical Kyle stuff, so my only real dissapointment is a lack of progress.
Otherwise, good to see you back, .f.ucker.

hahaha well. the other stuff i've been
writing is actually kind of different for me,
but i haven't written a full piece like that yet.
so. i haven't really been able to post any of it.

maybe i'll get a full piece soon?

and. i think i might actually record this soon.
so maybe you will get a recording from it.
but. i don't know. i don't know when i'll
have the time to record it. so. we'll see.

I just want to sleep forever.


#7
Whoa. That was really pretty. I loved your imagery.

The last verse gave me chills, actually. Brilliant.
#10
that was pretty. i thought the glass beads simile was a little cliche, but not to the point of actually detracting from the message or from the poem itself. personally, i think "candles" would be more romantic than "lightbulbs."

i really liked the moonbeam stanza. the whole poem/song/whatever was very well written.

good job
Quote by HendrixEdge
My work will never be to the majority's tastes; and to be honest; I've no problem in accepting that.


If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite.
#12

did you drink
the night's moonlight
to look so bright
every time you open your eyes?
please,
don't stop shining,
i am the night sky,
and i think that some moonlight's
just what i need.



My only complaint.
I think it's cute.
Good to see you around.
-Mat
#13
what do you think i should change it to?
i originally had it as "the moonlight"
instead of "some moonlight" but
i changed it for some reason.
i don't really know why. but.
what do you think i should change it to?

I just want to sleep forever.


#15
hmmm. i shall think about what to change it to.
but. i think you're right. it'd probably be better
if i changed it to something else or something.

I just want to sleep forever.


#17
well obviously i want critical analysis.
"it's terrible" doesn't really help me much.
but if it's too much trouble, then that's okay.
a critical analysis would be nice though.

but it's fine. you don't have to.

I just want to sleep forever.


Last edited by Grovermans at Jan 13, 2007,
#20
Quote by Retribution
Holy ****.

Good to see you around again.

I'll go in-depth on this later. It's 'cute', for lack of better word.


Holy muther****ing oyester clams! Its james! and Damonshatten
...
oh, this was from a year and three months ago... damn, I miss them...

close this then so it doesnt get bumped any more.