#1
heres my 1st attempt at a song. ....


MIDNIGHT
they come to feed tonight

Daylight
We give them a fight

They will never stop
ill kill till i drop

the moaning
the groaning, god, will they ever shut up

our numbers get slimmer everday
but fighting is the only way

ZOMBIES, eating my eyes
ZOMBIES, as one i will rise
ZOMBIES, bust open his head
Zombies, haha, now he's DEAD

shooting, reloading
grenade throwing, exploding

clouds of blood and guts
crackin heads with our gun butts

i see them rip my friend to shreds
i crush them with an axe in the head

they break through the gate
soon our upcoming fate.

ZOMBIES, Rise from the dead
ZOMBIES, Shoot their head.
ZOMBIES, The Devil's Army
ZOMBIES, None will harm me.

They are coming closer
my life soon over

we head for the top floor
then nail the heavy door

we pray on our knees
"God help us Please"

they are pounding through
What are we to do?

the door is starting to split
they made a hole, drop a grenade in it.

the door blows open
my arm is broken

i go to see aftermath
the place is a bloodbath.

ZOMBIES, Dead and gone
ZOMBIES, Now we Won
ZOMBIES, ill live another day
ZOMBIES, On this earth i will stay.
#3
Quote by mitchrushton182
sounds like a misfits song or somethin. pretty good man.


thanks dude.
#5
Quote by rockergirl1122
Haha, woah.
This would be a cool death metal song.
A little disturbing but I'm sure that was intended. :]
Nice work man, 8/10.
It would be cool if you could crit my song Runners. Thanks in advance. :]


thanks, ill make sure to do that
#7
the forced rhymes and rhyming tonight with midnight make this sound juvenile and lyrically weak.
"There but for fortune go you or I"- Phil Ochs
#8
Quote by King D666
heres my 1st attempt at a song. ....


MIDNIGHT
they come to feed tonight

Daylight
We give them a fight
I LOVE IT! Oh lord this, although, forced as hell, is a perfect start, I love it. It gets me hooked, sorta reminds me of Metallica's song "Seek and Destroy". 10/10

They will never stop
ill kill till i drop

the moaning
the groaning, god, will they ever shut up
I am loving this, i do not have much to say, but The first two lines of this section could be a bit smoother 8/10

our numbers get slimmer everday
but fighting is the only way

Could be a better transition but its not bad 7/10

ZOMBIES, eating my eyes
ZOMBIES, as one i will rise
ZOMBIES, bust open his head
Zombies, haha, now he's DEAD

Great Chorus! I am loving it. 10/10

shooting, reloading
grenade throwing, exploding

clouds of blood and guts
crackin heads with our gun butts

Okay, You know I can't even finish criting this because I have nothing to critique!

i see them rip my friend to shreds
i crush them with an axe in the head

they break through the gate
soon our upcoming fate.

ZOMBIES, Rise from the dead
ZOMBIES, Shoot their head.
ZOMBIES, The Devil's Army
ZOMBIES, None will harm me.

They are coming closer
my life soon over

we head for the top floor
then nail the heavy door

we pray on our knees
"God help us Please"

they are pounding through
What are we to do?

the door is starting to split
they made a hole, drop a grenade in it.

the door blows open
my arm is broken

i go to see aftermath
the place is a bloodbath.

ZOMBIES, Dead and gone
ZOMBIES, Now we Won
ZOMBIES, ill live another day
ZOMBIES, On this earth i will stay.


Okay wish i could crit more but there is not more

Put to the right music this would kick ass...I say this would be more of a Thrash song then a punk song
#9
Quote by RavenKlown
Okay wish i could crit more but there is not more

Put to the right music this would kick ass...I say this would be more of a Thrash song then a punk song


thanks man.