#1
first poem since grade 4...your criticism is appreciated.


you are the one
the one i know
without, i will surely crash
its a good thing i pay with cash

ill snap my fingers
while your words will linger
all these problems seem to fade
the old music room has it made
where the piano reminds me
how we just cant agree

but still,

ive waited too long for this
too long for your goodnight kiss
waited to long to say these things
felt like the deep end without water wings

but finally,

our lips can touch
our checks will blush
you were my crush

there is no truth in what you say
i feel i dont know you today
hopefully soon you will see that to me
i loved you to the highest degree
#2
i dont get it......
Guitars:
Ibanez IC300
Fender American Strat w/RioGrande texas specials

Amps:
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a now broken tube amp

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#3
i kind of get it, but it changes feelings sooo much that it's just confusing, and a lot of the lines don't fit or make sense like "it's a good thing i pay with cash" it just doesnt fit with whats around it, it rhymes but that's it. it just isnt that great.
Last edited by Cyclones41 at Jan 11, 2007,
#5
I liked it overall but some parts are soooooo sappy and cheesy.

Like "you were my crush" is putting it far too blunt, far too teenage.
you tell me who's better. i think good charlote are better than the bealtes but that's only because their lyrics mean more and they are better musicians.


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#6
Yeah it's amazing....it could go far...i can imagine this playing on the radio one day it's soo good.....one of the best songs i've read on here...feel nice and inflated yet? good....1 more thing everything i've just typed excluding this sentence is utter bollocks......
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#7
Yeah a lot of this doesn't make any sense. The main meaning is clear, I understand it but allusions to a music room, paying with cash, etc. I mean, it's not horrible, it's just very weak.
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#8
agreed.
BECOME A FAN!

DISCO IS DEAD!

Quote by Minkaro
(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


Quote by Zeppo
Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!