#1
Crit 4 Crit, as always.
Just want some input.
Also, if you wanna hear the song, go to www.purevolume.com/ifitoldyouonce


Still Dreaming

When days go by like fireflies
I might as well be counting all the lines in your eyes
One for a hug
Two to fall in love
Three for a song
Four and you'll be gone

You're still asleep and I think I'm still dreaming
You've got your eyes closed and I'm staring at the ceiling
I'm counting sheep, you're picturing yourself with me
I kiss with feeling but I'm still dreaming

When time flies by like it isn't even there
I might as well pacing up, up and down the stairs
One step for hope
Two for what I know
Three for a song
Four and you'll be gone

It's the thing that makes you smile
Whenever you're sad
It's the thing that is for sure the
Best I've ever had
Yeah, you're that thing
And it is all of the above
You're every metaphor of every song I've ever loved

When days go by like my last try
I might as well be singing songs of changing your mind...



-Thanks for reading
#2
When days go by like fireflies
I might as well be counting all the lines in your eyes
One for a hug
Two to fall in love
Three for a song
Four and you'll be gone
i like this opening, although i'm not an expert in the habits of fireflies and the ways in which they go by, i do enjoy the images that the line conjures.

You're still asleep and I think I'm still dreaming
You've got your eyes closed and I'm staring at the ceiling
I'm counting sheep, you're picturing yourself with me
I kiss with feeling but I'm still dreaming
i love the first line in this section, which is continued with good imagery.

When time flies by like it isn't even there
I might as well pacing up, up and down the stairs
One step for hope
Two for what I know
Three for a song
Four and you'll be gone
i don't know if i like the first two lines of this bit, but it works...especially when actually listening to the song

It's the thing that makes you smile
Whenever you're sad
It's the thing that is for sure the
Best I've ever had
Yeah, you're that thing
And it is all of the above
You're every metaphor of every song I've ever loved
this is probably my favorite verse of the song, and it contains my favorite line found in the piece, "You're every metaphor of every song I've ever loved."

When days go by like my last try
I might as well be singing songs of changing your mind...
i like.


please crit mine back:
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=502524
#3
Great song.....you seem to have the same kinda writing style as me...would be grateful if u wuld crit mine...
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(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


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#4
I enjoy the imagery conjured up in this piece. It reads like a lullaby written for an incredible girl. Brings back some good times I had. Very nice.
My suggestion to you is to start drinking heavily.--John Belushi

Money doesn't talk; it swears.--Bob Dylan
#5
I liked this a lot.

I should go see you live one day .
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#6
I love the
One...
Two...
Three...
Four and you'll be gone
part alot. It's really cool.

I actually like the whole thing alot, like your other songs to.

You don't have to return a crit, unless you really want to.
Last edited by stratkat at Jan 13, 2007,
#7
i really didn't like these lyrics at all, did you write them or was it someone else in your band? the song was pretty good though, even though it's not my style. if i was three years younger or a woman, i'd think y'all were great. so i guess it works then. but just as written lyrics, i don't think they do.

ah well, good luck with your band and all that,

holla
#8
I agree. This doesn't seem like you. However, the song, for what it is, is great.

I don't know, I don't really feel like critting this because it's already recorded and I don't connect with it at all.