#1
crit for crit please

How I wonder where she’s gone
Lost in her wonderland
This is the story of the mad hatter

I know she’s suffering
from someone else’s bloody sin
She’s driven from her pain again
When will this all end?
we’re all born insane, but some of us remain

She’s going slightly mad
Yeah she’s had it oh so bad
Dance lil Vicki dance c’mon,
You don’t remember the words to this song
And I live with the mad hatter, she’s a mad hatter mad hatter

She’s riding on the edge of life
Where her mind left her long ago
To make room for the voices
Even though she’s standing there alone
we’re all born insane, but some of us remain

She’s going slightly mad
Yeah she’s had it oh so bad
Dance lil Vicki dance c’mon,
You don’t remember the words to this song
And I live with the mad hatter, she’s a mad hatter mad hatter
#2
I think it's ok...would give a better crit but i got a lot of work to do as well so maybe later....but once i hear the music you're going to apply to it it may make it sound great....keep me posted, cheers,

Dan

P.S Please crit my latest two- ones in my sig the other- Some People is on page 2
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DISCO IS DEAD!

Quote by Minkaro
(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


Quote by Zeppo
Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!
#3
I like your idea, and some of the lines have major potential("Where her mind left her long ago to make room for the voices" leaps to mind), but this isn't my cup of tea personally.
My suggestion to you is to start drinking heavily.--John Belushi

Money doesn't talk; it swears.--Bob Dylan