#1
Bezique

How do you obey what the children say?
Pedestrians on the skeleton walkway
Am I making another hesitant mistake?
I watch you stutter and shake
There’s more to life than being alive
There’s more to six than five

And we all feel the ending begin
A silent place to sin
A world made just
To get us used to the spin
And take hold
Breathing out to soften the glow
Fire, and let the feeling flow

Why do they run to the light from the dark?
They should know its only A’s and arcs
So don't start
Your watching this to break my heart

Just read between the lines
One part paradise
Two part sacrifice
You are the new vice
Vindictive is a vignette
Of what you are; virago
I want bezique and she wants poker
(And I swear I don’t provoke her)
A new rhyme for the night time
A parting of the truth

It's just a self exploration
Into the darker motivations
Its more practical than patience
And I worry you don't see it

These people aren't mephitic enough
To hate the ‘like’ in love
Aforementioned to the reason above
Because it's better to be battered and bruised, among the neon fuse
Than to run, ripped into two;
Religiously anew
Fake and untrue
Me and not you

So why did you run from the light to the dark
Can't you see this is a specialist art
So don't start
You done all this to break my heart

But why do I speak in crosses in knots
Pretending this isn't what I want
Please don’t stop
Your all that’s keeping the beat in my heart
Keeping the beat in my heart
www.freewebs.com/silentproject
#2
any feedback is appreciated
www.freewebs.com/silentproject
#3
well, as I read I really couldn't connect but that doesn't really matter to me at least, its more of a general issue, I could care less, sometimes that is. But what I did find annoying were the forced rhymes, rhyming is good and all, but when it comes naturally is when it is the best and if it doesn't come dont force it, that was a big turn off for me with this peice. However , I like the idea you have going on here, its pretty cool and you had me look up a few words I didn't know, my favorite lines in this piece are as follows: "Vindictive is a vignette
Of what you are; virago" that just sounds so kick ass and it is kick ass, but definately fix up the rhymes, it just seems you wanted to rhyme without and reason I guess. But definately you could fix it up.
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know
#4
thanks man. taken that on board
www.freewebs.com/silentproject