#1
Intro/Verse:

Your just sitting there,
And you know i care,
It just hurts so much,
To see you this way.

Chorus:
But now im done,
Feels like iv'e left a ton,
I could've said so much,
But it's to late as my foot slips off the clutch.

Verse:
Now i've gone to far,
What if i made a mistake?
But it went on to long,
To not know whether or not it was a fake.

Chorus:
I wonder if you miss me,
I wonder if you really noticed that i'm not there,
I really wish you could see,
But now i could be anywhere.

Bridge:
Am i thinking to much?
Was this dumb or just fate?
But it isn't like it matters now
Because either way its to late

Chorus/Ending:

Now i've gone to far,
What if i made a mistake?
But it went on to long,
But i'll guess we will know when i awake.

That's it people. i don't like it myself. took me like 5 minutes to do. well please PM me with your opinion. i need all opinions. even constructive criticism. Thanks
Last edited by New Band Order at Jan 13, 2007,
#2
i'm gonna crit this in a second, but change the title of this thread to the title of the song or someone else will report you before i get the chance to
#4
this forum has the following rule which you were supposed to read before posting

THREAD TITLES
For some reason, you people do not understand this rule. Your subject header must have ONLY the title of your song or work of writing, with the option of including the genre in brackets. No ?PLZ CRIT,? no ?I really need help with this,? no ?this if my first song,? NOTHING. SUBJECT HEADER. TITLE ONLY. If your title is wrong, your thread is closed. It?s quite simple, really.
#5
ok well man i think you need to calm down. i didn't know that and thanks for tellin me but you need to take a chill pill.
#6
ok...i was gonna do you a favor and crit your song...i did you a favor by telling you to change the title so your thread wouldn't get locked...now i will simply tell you that you spelled "too" wrong several times
#7
yeah well im not a "you people" either man. but just plz crit my song, arguing on a computer is dumb.
#8
Its alright. Seems to be be kinda like what i just went through...

I just wrote a song myself...

anyways, Its no worse and no better than some of the other ones ive read
"For Us, For Them, For You"
#9
Okay, like the other one said.. read the FAQs and rules here and delete this. Repost it correctly, otherwise it will be locked. In the forum the title is still "my first song written by me".

Also, don't beg for crits, give out some crits and receive some in return. It works much better than begging.