#1
This is another song that I used to perform with my band. I was only about 15 when I wrote it so it could probably use some work. I think the second verse might be a bit harsh too . Any comments would be much appreciated. Take a look at my other songs too if you want. Crit for crit of course.

Verse 1

Hey mr cool, I wish I was you
You're the king of the retards that go to my school
With a fag in your mouth and a phone in your hand
You're a god amongst chavs, in your hoody you stand

They all gasp in awe as your fag-end ignites
To them you're like Jesus in Lonsdale stripes
Your band of disciples are all so impressed
To them stale smoke is the smell of success

You've got a new ringtone, they crowd 'round to pray
You're into your hip-hop cos guitars are gay
You don't wanna learn, you don't have any aims
You're perfectly comfortable with shit for brains

Maybe one day you'll look back and feel bad
That you wasted so much of the time that you had
But for now you're a king, and you sit on your throne
The bench by the gates as you're rolling your own.

Chorus

Hey hey, king of the chavs
What you gonna do when your reign has ended?
Hey hey, king of the chavs
Once your throne's crumbled it can't be mended
When you're living your life hanging on a shoestring
Or begging for change, will you still be their king?
Hey hey, king of the chavs.......Have a good life!

Verse 2

A few years go by and the king meets his queen
A pretty chavette by the name of Charlene
12 children later you make her your bride
And move to the palace the council provides

You're doing so well, aren't you such a success?
Doing shit-all and earning even less
Mcdonalds wages and 12 kids to feed
I bet now you wish that you'd learned how to read

Chorus

Verse 3

Another 10 years and I bet you regret
Your lifetime of drinking and cheap cigarettes
Cos now you're just worm food, asleep in a box
The king is a deadman, the nation's in shock

Thousands of chavs come to pay their respects
In a sea of white hoodies and Burberry checks
They sadly sing hip-hop, and lay packs of fags
By a gravestone that simply says "king of the chavs"


Cheers for reading!
Last edited by less_than_dave at Jan 18, 2007,
#6
You've got a new ringtone, they crow 'round to pray
You're into your hip-hop cos guitars are gay
You don't wanna learn, you don't have any aims
You're perfectly comfortable with shit for brains


really nice and funny
Hi
#7
I love that hahah! That describes chav culture so well. Someone will probably get at you for the AABB rhyming scheme but too be honest that doesnt matter because you carried it off well.
#8
Quality! 2nd Verse is great! or as the chavs say SAFE! or SOUND or whatever the idiots say.
#9
lol thats wiked how'd you manage to turn chav bashing into a decent song? love it
#10
Seriusly, put a rudish word or a colloquial term for a socialgroup and you're almost gauranteed no serious critiques but lots of the above comments ^

I like this, purely because it is damn similar to how I use to write. Yes the second verse is a bit too far I think.

But a tip for the future- instead of just narrating what could happen, explore why they do these things, why they act this way. Then you can start to really explore meanings and whatnot.

But yes. Great flow and rhyme, most the way. Just be more gentle and thoughful next time

And where the heck do you live ?
#11
Hey hey, king of the chavs
What you gonna do when your reign has ended?
Hey hey, king of the chavs
Once your throne's crumbled it can't be mended
When you're living your life hanging on a shoestring
Or begging for change, will you still be their king?
Hey hey, king of the chavs.......Have a good life!

I thought that line stood out in a not-so-great way; it could be reworded to fit the rest of the chorus. But hey, it may sound just right when you're singing it.

I didn't think you went too far at all, I thought it was hilarious!
Absolutely brilliant.
I don't think I've ever seen a 15-year-old write a song that funny.
Great job. 9/10.

It would be great if you could crit my song Runners. Thanks in advance. But wow, nice work man.
#12
good job like always man, wish I could give you a decent crit, but I wouldn't want you to change it, somethings you just get right the first time no matter how good your writing ability becomes crit my other one if you want to, and keep this stuff coming...
I massacre the guitar but make beautiful music in the process. Grunge lives through me!
#14
Quote by ryoga
I liked the song.. but what is a chav?


lol, according to wikipedia - Chav is a mainly derogatory slang term in some parts of England for a subcultural stereotype fixated on fashions such as gold jewellery and designer clothing. They are generally considered to have no respect for society, as well as being considered ignorant or unintelligent. The term appeared in mainstream dictionaries in 2005.[1][2] The defining features of the stereotype include clothing in the Burberry pattern (notably a now-discontinued baseball cap) and from a variety of other casual and sportswear brands. Tracksuits, hoodies, sweatpants and baseball caps are particularly associated with this stereotype. Musically, chavs tend to like Rap above all, but they may also like trance, house, and electronic dance music. Response to the term has ranged from amusement to criticism that it is a new manifestation of classism. The term has also been associated with delinquency, the "ASBO Generation", and "yob culture". Chav is short for council houses and violence.


Basically like white trash in America except more violent
#15
hahaaha this song is hilarious i love the "Your perfectly comfortable with shit for brains" it's great! A very accurate and descriptive song of chavs.....well done....9/10...i haven't laughed that hard for ages...
BECOME A FAN!

DISCO IS DEAD!

Quote by Minkaro
(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


Quote by Zeppo
Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!
#16
You have to record this song...then one day they can play it on the radio and we'll all crash our cars or whatnot coz we're laughing so hard....
BECOME A FAN!

DISCO IS DEAD!

Quote by Minkaro
(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


Quote by Zeppo
Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!
#18
I cant belive you managed to pull this off to some degree, I didnt think a song with that title would work and im still sceptical about the chourus but apart from the that I like it.
#19
omg tht was so amazing!! you should so record it!

love it!
Rock on
#20
lmao kick ass song. reminded me of a TV show that was on once called King Of Chavs some dumbass chav won a load of cash on the lottery and then went around spending it on crap. one point he paid a pro boxer to fight him in a big fight. he got his ass kciked, It was AWESOME the boxer was just laughing and messing around, whilst kicking his ass.

Awesome song dude 10/10
#21
>_> Little harsh on the gay community, But if your saying it just to piss the asshole of I'm all for it
#22
Quote by deathgaze666
>_> Little harsh on the gay community, But if your saying it just to piss the asshole of I'm all for it


You are joking right? Fag means cigarette in England!
#23
Verse 1

Hey mr cool, I wish I was you
You're the king of the retards that go to my school
With a fag in your mouth and a phone in your hand
You're a god amongst chavs, in your hoody you stand

They all gasp in awe as your fag-end ignites
To them you're like Jesus in Lonsdale stripes
Your band of disciples are all so impressed
To them stale smoke is the smell of success

This is absolutely hilarious! I don't really like the 'in your hoody you stand' part very much. I'm sure you could think of something better sounding. Even 'in a hoody' would sound a bit better. Otherwise, this is great. The underlined line is my favourite.


You've got a new ringtone, they crow 'round to pray
You're into your hip-hop cos guitars are gay
You don't wanna learn, you don't have any aims
You're perfectly comfortable with shit for brains

Maybe one day you'll look back and feel bad
That you wasted so much of the time that you had
But for now you're a king, and you sit on your throne
The bench by the gates as you're rolling your own.

The first half is great, the second half is good. Not a whole lot to say.

Chorus

Hey hey, king of the chavs
What you gonna do when your reign has ended?
Hey hey, king of the chavs
Once your throne's crumbled it can't be mended
When you're living your life hanging on a shoestring
Or begging for change, will you still be their king?
Hey hey, king of the chavs.......Have a good life!

This chorus is great. I am liking this song more the more I read. I can totally imagine this being played with trumpets in the background and stuff.

Verse 2

A few years go by and the king meets his queen
A pretty chavette by the name of Charlene
12 children later you make her your bride
And move to the palace the council provides

You're doing so well, aren't you such a success?
Doing shit-all and earning even less
Mcdonalds wages and 12 kids to feed
I bet now you wish that you'd learned how to read

Hmm, lets put it this way:



The first half is quite honestly the funniest thing I have read in ages. Absolute CLASSIC! This song is absolutely awesome. The last line of the 2nd half is great too!


Chorus

Verse 3

Another 10 years and I bet you regret
Your lifetime of drinking and cheap cigarettes
Cos now you're just worm food, asleep in a box
The king is a deadman, the nation's in shock

Thousands of chavs come to pay their respects
In a sea of white hoodies and Burberry checks
They sadly sing hip-hop, and lay packs of fags
By a gravestone that simply says "king of the chavs"


This verse is not as good as the others, but still great. The whole thing is a great story.

I would by lying to myself if I didn't give this 9.5/10. This is absolute genius, you should be really proud of yourself for this. If your band plays this the crowd will love you so much!

Keep up the good work, this song OWNS!
#25
Hey thanks for all the comments everyone. I thought you might like to know that we finished practicing this last night so hopefully we'll have a recording of it soon. Its got a wah-wah solo and cowbells a'plenty!!!
#26
It flowed amazingly, I'm really interested in the music that would go to this.
And yes canonical jurisdiction is excessive and the line has been changed to "discussing in depth the meaning of every word" and canonical jurisdiction as a phrase means the exact meaning and not to be taking out of context or lightly.
And my last name is Chavie, and I hate wiggers or "Chavs" and my last name is pronounced shavee. But all is good I guess. I had a fun time reading it though.
#28
So good my friend, I didn't know what the **** a chav was at first, but I'm seeing it as kind of a wigger sorts of person. Well we have many a idiots like that here where I live and I hate them with a passion.

Your song is ****ing brilliant, I love a song with a story to it, and so does everybody else
#29
martin, nice song... everyone reckons you're called dave which i think is ace!!! look forward to hearing it at botb if ben ruines it some arse kicking is needed lol laters bud
#30
Wow i really like this, its so basic with the language, but thats what makes it so great! That last line in the chorus "hey king of the chavs.....have a good life" thats probably one of the only downpoints on the whole thing. Apart from that and a couple of terms, i really like it, typically english wording on an orginial idea. Keep writing!
#31
this really isnt funny sorry.
you're insulting yourself more by posting this/writing this than you are insulting those who its written about.
#32
The solo in that isn't good. It doesn't fit in, doesn't make a point, and there's no one playing except you and the drummer, it's too empty.
Quote by SleepTalkinMan
"Ooh! Straight-jackets online! Christmas sorted."
#33
I thought the video was okay, obviously it needs a hella better sound quality as you can't really hear much individually. If you improve that it might sound to us as it does to you. Generally, i liked it, but if you can, try it with better sond equipment, and in a bigger room, lol!