#1
wrote this for my girlfriend. She loved it. Crit4Crit


As I see the smile, on your face
My body shuts down, and my heart begins to race
And as my mind, Realizes im awake
I start to wonder, how much of this, i can take

I don't know, How i really feel
Because to me this seems so unreal
And as my mind, tries to find these answers for you
My heart jumps in, and lays it all down

Chorus:
This is gonna be a good thing
This is gonna be a good thing
:

As i gaze, out into the sky
i start to think about those pretty blue eyes
And how it seems, that every time that im with you
The clouds go away, and the birds come out to play

Chorus.


I'm in the studio this weekend so i'll let you guys know where you can go to listen
#3
all right dude, But i know for a fact that my music is good because i hear on the radio, and that your prob and old ass who play's metal and is never going to get anywhere in his life so he tries to bring down other people. Go worship the devil or something fag
#4
Owned.

This is a great song.
Quote by ToPher4life
wrote this for my girlfriend. She loved it. Crit4Crit


As I see the smile, upon your face
My body shuts down, (and) my heart begins to race
And as my mind, Realizes im awake
I start to wonder, how much of this, i can take

I don't know, How i really feel
Because to me this (seems so unreal/can't be renowned)
And as my mind, tries to find these answers for you
My heart jumps in, and lays it all down

Chorus:
This is gonna be a good thing
This is gonna be a good thing
:

As i gaze, out into the sky
i start to think about those pretty (could use a different adjective) blue eyes
And how it seems, that every time that im with you
The clouds go away, and the birds come out to play (A bit cliche, but I see nothing wrong with it)

Chorus.


I'm in the studio this weekend so i'll let you guys know where you can go to listen

Hopefully that helped. Good luck with the recording.
#8
was pretty good, a nice tune. Myn only concern is the chorus, would like to see more to it or maybe add a bridge for the 2nd time around the chorus. Your woman musta gave you sumthin xtra for this song eh?...lol, kiddin...Nice Song.
my new 1 is Lipstick On The Table, crits appreciated.
#9
thanks guys. Yeah for the chorus the way i sing it, it fits pretty good. Laid it down in the studio today. I'll have to do some fine tuning but it should be up in a couple of days.
#10
This seems like it could turn into a great song. The lyrics aren't so fancy but thats why I like them. The emotions that you are trying to convey work perfectly with your straight forward approach. The only part I don't like is the "birds come out to play" it just seemed a little too flowery. Good job though I will definitely listen to it when you get the recording finished.

crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=504148
#11
yeah for that line birds come out to play i just tried to put something happy in it. If you guys got any ideas feel free to share.
#12
nice song, man. of course what's important here is that you got some action from your girlfriend (haha, kidding. but i'm not.). i'm not a big fan of "And how it seems, that every time that im with you," only because i think you should drop one of the "that"s, my choice would be the second one. although a bit cliché, i am actually fond of the birds line. good song.
Last edited by b r y a n at Jan 15, 2007,
#13
I like the chorus, could be a lil; bit longer, but not too bad, very catchy. Last 2 lines of last verse didn't flow well, but it finished the song nicely before the last chorus. With a few tweaks here and there it'll be even better. Please crit mine, FRIEND
#14
Thanks guys. I'll work on the last verse. i was trying to just end it in a happy way and i kinda rushed it cause she wanted to hear it. I'll crits your guys'.