#1
Ok so i've never written a song or any poetry for that matter, hell i don't much like writing at all. But i was reading some lyrics and decided to write a song.
So this is my first try at writing a song, let me know what i need work on. I guess i prolly need work on everything.

Sitting in my room gun in my hand, she's in my mind
crying thinking death is my only friend
She said she don't love me
Said it without even so much as a pause

Now I'm sitting her thinking about the end of my life
I think about the fun we had about the way things were
And i think about the low times, the times when i didn't know if i could go on
And now I'm left here with a hole on the inside, so much pain i just want to end it all

I've poured my heart and soul into her and forgot to leave any for myself
and now she says she don't love me
not even a pause just like it's no big deal
We'll she'll soon feel my pain cause I'm not going to kill myself
I'm gunna kill her cause I'm a heartless soulless man
and I'm going to hell so i might as well bring an old friend.

She said she don't love me, says it without even a pause
she said she don't love me, says it without even a pause
#4
how is this supposed to be sung? i have an idea but its hard to tell. could be good but the music really makes a song not the words.
#5
Sitting in my room gun in my hand, she's in my mind
crying thinking death is my only friend
She said she don't love me
Said it without even so much as a pause

In the first line, I would refrain coming right out and saying you have a gun. Subtlety is something you should really embrace for a song like this. Use something else that doesn't tell you it's a gun, but it's still pretty obvious, IDK, like 'metal' or something. In the third line, I would suggest saying, 'She said she doesn't/didn't love me.', whichever tense you feel works there the best. Don't is grammatically incorrect and sounds weird when you read it out loud. For the last line, I would suggest using something else besides 'said', you've already used it once (the previous line) and you can get more imagery across with a stronger verb. How did she say it? Was she screaming, whispering, mumbling, hissing, whining, etc.

Now I'm sitting her thinking about the end of my life
I think about the fun we had about the way things were
And i think about the low times, the times when i didn't know if i could go on
And now I'm left here with a hole on the inside, so much pain i just want to end it all

In the first line, go for something other than 'thinking'. It's already been used and here it's repetitve. IMO, I would change it to, "Now I'm sitting here plotting the end of my life." Because to me, it seems that you are pretty much just thinking about how to kill yourself, basically plotting. For the second and third line, I would suggest just making both of them participles. Like this,

"Now I'm sitting here plotting the end of my life,
thinking of the fun we had about the way things were,
thinking of the low times, the days when I didn't think I could go on."

Also, the third line, I changed it here, I wouldn't use 'time' the second time, I would suggest using something else like days or months, just to specify and not repeating the same words over and over again. The last line needs some work, it's a bit wordy. Just cut back on some of the unecessary words.

I've poured my heart and soul into her and forgot to leave any for myself
and now she says she don't love me
not even a pause just like it's no big deal
We'll she'll soon feel my pain cause I'm not going to kill myself
I'm gunna kill her cause I'm a heartless soulless man
and I'm going to hell so i might as well bring an old friend.

I love the line, it made the song. The third line should be changed, it's the same as mentioned earlier, which is fine, but the words you tacked on for the flow weaken it greatly and cheapen the line a bit. The fourth line, I would suggest using something other than 'pain'. The first part of the fifth line needs some work. You need to find a better way to say you're going to kill her without coming right out and saying it.

Overall, this isn't so bad for a first try. Nice job, man. I hope this helps a bit.

I'd appreciate it if you took a look at mine. It's in the sig, thanks.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#6
kinda hard to figure out a rhythm for this, im sure you have 1. Reading it makes me think of Eminem stuff,Need a killer chorus/bridge to make this more interesting imo...