#1
This shit is quite old (2004-2004) but i hope it hasnt been posted before.
Just tell me and i will delete this thread.

http://theblackmetaldialogues.com/

I know its alot but its worth to read it, hilarious.


PS. By posting this im not bashing the genre, im a fan of BM. Just found this on the net and just sharing this with fellow UGers.
Last edited by Evil_Magician at Jan 13, 2007,
#3
LOL? That's sad, hey lets all be emo and write email to ourselves and pretend that we're in a heavy metal band...How about we don't and say we did.

BC Rich Warlock
Peavey Rage 108 Trans-Tube Practice Amp
Boss ME-50 Multi-Effect Processor
Yamaha PSR-273 Keyboard
#5
Oh yeah I remember this.... I posted this in order to promote Mysticum (needless to say no one bothered ) It is quite hilarious, tbh.
According to BS statistics, 92% of teens have moved on to rap. If you're among the 8% who doesn't consider rap to be real music, donate your brains, as you clearly aren't using them.
#6


That's the funniest thing I've ever read. I checked out the myspace, br00tal.

Quote by Garb
I went to the MySpace.. And the music didn't work. =( lol


You're just not tr00 kvlt enough to hear it.
Dickless.
#8
Oh wait.
That is quite sad.
I just read the first page were it says that he wrote to himself.
But oh well, i tought that the "King of Black Metal" is actually a real guy writing to some Norse guy and i had a bunch of LOLs.
Its not that funny now tought.
#10
Quote by the site
*i'm the blackest black metal badass ever*

i gotta go, my mom needs the computer.


lmao. that line is classic.
Oh Shit!
#11
No its not going to scare you. Unless your afraid to enter thy grim and frostbitten kingdoms of blacker than black metal.
Its just some shizophrenic guys emails wich he posted to himsefl by his alter ego. A lot of reading.

The whole thing kind of reminds me of hitchocks " Psycho" esspecially on that " gotta go, my mom needs the computer" line.
#13
That was one of the funniest things I've ever read.

EDIT: These are some of my favorite quotes from the dialogue.

my band witch taint is so good you guys will probably get rid of all the other bands on your label just so you can work full-time on a real extreme black metal band. okay, let me know. i gotta go, my mom needs the computer.

blackest of the black,
lance



last saturday i had a party and she couldn't say shit even if i was playing burzum on full volume or something. i went up to the kitchen to get some orange juice and she asked me to turn it down and i said no. let's see you try that shit.



it is hard to be truly black when shopping for groceries, which is why i rarely eat unless i absolutely have to.



i have an idea for a video. there is a closeup of a human eyeball on the screen and then a closeup of a goat. then the screen goes black and the music starts. then the viewer is left to wonder what happened. they cannot handle it.



i have spent the last week cut off from the outside world- no computers, no newspapers, no telephone, no nothing. it was just me in my basement writing the most extreme black metal of all time while occasionally taking breaks to watch television, go to the bathroom, or order a pizza or something.



haha

And the idea for his "party" at the very end was incredibly funny.
Last edited by Paradox321 at Jan 13, 2007,
#15
jesus, i couldnt be bothered to read mroe than 3 emails before my eyes were ****ing burning.

stupid ass background is gona **** alot of people up.
UNFORGIVEABLE
#17
Quote by Paradox321
^^^^I copied and pasted it into Microsoft Word.



lol, good idea.
UNFORGIVEABLE
#19
I read it all without making it more reader-friendly.

Wimps.
According to BS statistics, 92% of teens have moved on to rap. If you're among the 8% who doesn't consider rap to be real music, donate your brains, as you clearly aren't using them.
#20
That got boring after one page, so I quit.
Jackson DKMG & KE3, Fender Mexican Strat, Stagg Acoustic

Boss Compressor & Chorus, Dunlop Crybaby, Behringer Delay, ISP Decimator, Ibanez Tubescreamer

Laney TT50H, Marshall 1960A, Roland Cube 15

Looking to jam in Belfast, PM me!
#24
That was ****ing hilarious.
Quote by Rockstar12345
One does not simply walk onto a Chav's lawn
#25
Quote by Hells_Bell
Kvlt.


Damn straight.

So did anyone check Mysticum out after this?
According to BS statistics, 92% of teens have moved on to rap. If you're among the 8% who doesn't consider rap to be real music, donate your brains, as you clearly aren't using them.
#26
Quote by _fender_fan_
I found it hilarious.

I found your mom hilarious last night!

HA!!!
Jackson DKMG & KE3, Fender Mexican Strat, Stagg Acoustic

Boss Compressor & Chorus, Dunlop Crybaby, Behringer Delay, ISP Decimator, Ibanez Tubescreamer

Laney TT50H, Marshall 1960A, Roland Cube 15

Looking to jam in Belfast, PM me!
#27
my band witch taint is so good you guys will probably get rid of all the other bands on your label just so you can work full-time on a real extreme black metal band. okay, let me know. i gotta go, my mom needs the computer.




How "metal". I am the most extreme black metaller!! RWAAA . Hold on, my mom's calling.

Dear God, do you actually answer prayers?

Yes, but only in a way indistinguishable from random luck or the result of your own efforts.
#28
Not a big fan of industrial black metal but the first album is downloadable for free.
But i gotta check em out anyway.
#29
i was talking to my friend fenriz (not the same fenriz as the one from darkthrone. it's a different one) about this and he said "lance, you must become more extreme." then he had to go because his mom needed the phone or something


haha

I lol'd.