#1
The Poem/Lyrics is entitled "Addiction"
No I am not a recovering drug addict or have I ever done drugs.

"Addiction"

The Abyss
Is something you want to miss
Don't go under the ground
You'll lose the sense of sound
Don't let yourself get to this point
Because you might lose the fight
And you might feel a bite
Right in your mind, not your behind
It will creep up without you knowing
Like a person about to start throwing
UP, UP into your mind
You start to feel blind
And then it clicks
I DON'T WANT MY FIX
#3
hard to read i think ..and ...well over done
What I got
Epiphone 57' Les Paul Jr. limited
Gibson les Paul jr. historal (bad spelling)
LTD Les Paul ESP Custom
Epiphone Les paul
Washburn lion 4 string bass
Some effects
And 2 amps (two 30 watts amps)
#5
It's quite obvious you have not experience. The rhyme was too blant and pointless. Very short as well, not a strong piece
Nicolle. Me. Got it?
#6
I agree with x rox. Also, seemed a little bit forced. And if you have no experience with 'addiction', then at least personalize your opinion or any experiences you've had with it (not neccessarily you yourself). Keep trying and you'll get something good. Please crit mine, FRIEND
#7
the rhyme...just really forced. It's a good idea, but you didn't really go off the fly on it...
Gear
Custom Fender Strat
Oscar Schmidt Acoustic
VK 112
Epi VJ
EHX Holy Grail
Ibanez DE7 Delay
Modded Tubescreamer TS7 -> TS-808
Strat Knockoff
#8
Wow...

Rhyming is incredibly forced. It's clear you don't know the subject matter. You also need to export some kind of message from your writing, which this doesn't do. It just tells us a short, pointless narrative from the point of view of a drug addict. (Which you don't know what it's like to be like.)

First: Write what you know.

Second: Read the lyrics tips thread, it will help with style-purposes.

If you can read this, I'd appreciate it: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=508088