#1
Reflections of Fear

I see a man
With pale blue eyes
Hiding behind
A dead disguise
Of peaceful calm
Of laughs and joy
But behind the mask
Is an unsure frightened boy

I see a man
Down on his knees
Can anyone
Hear his pleas?
He’s tried to be patient
But he’s waited so long
What does he seek?
Where, did it all go wrong?

I see a man
Confused and cold
He’s pitiful now
But he used to be bold
He’s run out of hope
Hope’s run out on him
Where there is light there is life
But the light is growing dim

I see a man
Waiting, and praying
That love will set him free
And this man is me

[verse 1]:

Mommy, do you love me?
Daddy, do you want me?
Jesus, do you hear me?
I’m fading away
Into the blackness
Away, into the darkness
Away, into the hopeless
My hear lead me astray

Brother, would you miss me?
Baby, will you kiss me?
Teacher, will you teach me?
And show me the way
Out of the hatred
The way, the un-debated
The way, that’s not out-dated
My heart’s been broken one to many
Times

[chorus]:

I gaze deep into my eyes
They’re as bright as the greyest skies
I know there once was life there
But no I don’t think I care
What happens to me
This isn’t how it should be
But to love and not be loved back
Is just like having a heart attack
Cut the lights
Cut the hope
And fade to black

[verse 2]:

Love, sweet as honey
Hate, not so funny
Pain, raw and bloody
The devil’s favorite treat
Me to some music
To sooth my throbbing headache
Was this all a mistake?
It’s hard to tell sometimes

I’m drowning, in my sadness
I'm gasping, for some gladness
I'm reaching, I almost had it
But it slipped out of my grasp
It wasn’t meant to be
the shadow kills the glee
love can set me free
But loves the source of my
Pain

[chorus]:

I gaze deep into my eyes
They’re as bright as the greyest skies
I know there once was life there
But no I don’t think I care
What happens to me
This isn’t how it should be
But to love and not be loved back
Is just like having a heart attack
Cut the lights
Cut the hope
And fade to black

[interlude]:

I see a man
With a broken heart
It once could love
But she tore it apart

I see a man
In my bedroom mirror
And in the dark
He sheds a silent tear

I see a man
With arms outstretched
Is he still strong?
Can he pass this test?

I see a man
His hate decrees
He’s done with this
And the man that I see
Is me

[chorus]:

I gaze deep into my eyes
They’re as bright as the greyest skies
I know there once was life there
But no I don’t think I care
What happens to me
This isn’t how it should be
But to love and not be loved back
Is just like having a heart attack
Cut the lights
Cut the hope
And fade to black

[chorus]:

I gaze deep into my eyes
They’re as bright as the greyest skies
I know there once was life there
But no I don’t think I care
What happens to me
This isn’t how it should be
But to love and not be loved back
Is just like having a heart attack
Cut the lights
Cut the hope
And fade to black


please crit
Gear:
Gibson Les Paul Studio
Fender MIM strat with dimarzio pups
JCM800
Egnater Rebel 30
Takamine Acoustic
tons of pedals
Last edited by phobiafreak949 at Mar 4, 2007,
#2
dont steal the title from a far better metallica song
Quote by Gunpowder
The Pit is to intelligence what a black hole is to light; it's devoid of reason and logic, and nothing can escape it's shadowy depths. Once you enter, you cannot leave.
#3
though i agree with shredder guitar, that wasnt a crit. so anyway, well i'm wondering, verse one doesnt start until like halfway into the piece, so whats with the stuff before that? i like the way it starts out and everything and it's good but it's sooooooo long. i LOVE the last line. great way to close it. good job! could you crit 'be mine' please? it's in my sig
#4
the part before the first verse is just an intro, the music is much different than the verses and is the same as in the interlude. thanks for the crit glad you liked it. and sorry if i offended any metallica fans with the title
Gear:
Gibson Les Paul Studio
Fender MIM strat with dimarzio pups
JCM800
Egnater Rebel 30
Takamine Acoustic
tons of pedals
#6
thanks, and yea, alot of my lyrics are very poetic. sometimes i will write a poem and eventually end up making a few minor changes and transforming it into a song
Gear:
Gibson Les Paul Studio
Fender MIM strat with dimarzio pups
JCM800
Egnater Rebel 30
Takamine Acoustic
tons of pedals
#7
I a lot of it, and honestly don't feel like giving a complete crit. Sorry, lol. But it was pretty good.
Last edited by VoRzCeNt at Feb 17, 2007,
#8
Everyone's bored of the whole 'unrequited love' topic in songs, so because you didn't really bring anything new or original to it, this wasn't worth it. I find that a real shame though because some of the writing was very strong. The "I see a man," parts in the middle were good and I liked the whole mirror idea you had going on. The chorus was great.

Still, when you have so much material, do more than one song/poem. Nobody has this kind of attention span, so you can't expect a real critique. Oh, plus, don't make me expect classic Metallica and then not deliver But seriously, there are some song titles you do NOT want to use. This one would piss off a lot of Metallica fans. There are other times when a song title is something like 'wake up' (which is probably the most common title ever) that you can rip it off.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#11
Yeah, i really like it, it's strongly written but there are a few lines here and there that let this piece down. "I see a man/With arms outstretched/Is he still strong?/Can he pass this test?" I don't like the way this stanza is written, the 4 different lines in this stanza don't seem to relate to one another, and i think they should. I mean the "Can he pass this test?" bit seems like its just been stuck there for a loss of words. It's also a little clique.

This stanza was filled with awesomeness:"Brother, would you miss me?/Baby, will you kiss me?/Teacher, will you teach me?/And show me the way/Out of the hatred/The way, the un-debated/The way, that’s not out-dated/My heart’s been broken one to many
Times" but again the "my heart has been broken..." bit is really clique and i'm sure you could slide a nice metaphor in here, because the rest of the stanza makes you think and is really thoughtful and this bit is very un-thoughtful.

However, this is a strong piece of writing, i like your style. I'll look out for your future pieces.
#12
Pretty nice it terms of theme it's nothing new but if this song was written from the heart that can slide. There were some nice lines and thru out the whole piece you didn't stray too far. Over all it was a bit long which is a pain in the ass for a song but really there isn't too much to complain about with what you have just keep working on what your doing.
Smile alot today... okay?
#13
Quote by break-me-in
Everyone's bored of the whole 'unrequited love' topic in songs, so because you didn't really bring anything new or original to it, this wasn't worth it. I find that a real shame though because some of the writing was very strong. The "I see a man," parts in the middle were good and I liked the whole mirror idea you had going on. The chorus was great.

Still, when you have so much material, do more than one song/poem. Nobody has this kind of attention span, so you can't expect a real critique. Oh, plus, don't make me expect classic Metallica and then not deliver But seriously, there are some song titles you do NOT want to use. This one would piss off a lot of Metallica fans. There are other times when a song title is something like 'wake up' (which is probably the most common title ever) that you can rip it off.

+1
when im with you, there's nothing I wouldn't do, i just wanna be you're only one. im gasping out of straws, taken aback by what i saw that night before when we were all alone...