#1
Two days from the start of Monday, things are not so well;
A sideways look of desperation, longing for some help;
He walked so far on Sunday, he’s worried for his health;
A moments thought is all she can allow herself.

So you call some people you do not want to call;
I wonder if you’re really suffering at all.

Did you vote this government won’t do a thing for you?
Is a little attitude the best that you can do?
He makes his payments there’s no time for nothing else;
She’s got all the time but no one who to tell.

So you moan because the cash is drying up;
She’s so bad for wanting someone she can love.

[all comments good or bad welcome]
#2
Dude I like it

Very original makes it better when its original so well done
what kinda music you going for with this when i was reading it over
i didn't know what you were aiming for but i guess you can make
it anything you want
#3
It's hard to describe, I have a basic chord progression for it but I cant' describe it

It's sad sounding, but I guess you guessed that from the lryics, kind of Radiohead, coldplay but more folky

thanks for the comments though.
#4
That should be good dude coldplay sorta progression would sound nice with it i think
you should post up your progession and i'll get back to you with how it sounds
#6
Just post up the chords that your using in your chord progression like, G,Am,Em,Dm. Or whatever ya know
#7
This was actually pretty kick ass! I thought it wouldn't be political grabage, but this was very original. LOVED it! Definetly can't wait to here more. Good music would only make it better. Please crit mine, FRIEND
#8
Awsome.

The only thing I can suggest is having actually replace really in

"So you call some people you do not want to call;
I wonder if you’re really suffering at all."

Hope that helped. The rest is perfect.
8D
#9
Awsome tune, i like the ballad feel.

THis is the best lyric i've read in a while, better than all the creepy sliter songs

Still i had trouble finding some of the rhymes in this song try to get a specific ABAB pattern or something because some of the ryhmes where hard to find for me

If the way you pronounce the words brings the rhyme then i am sorry for the last saying

This is a great song though keep it up
#10
I think it is pretty well written, but like my Guro was, just not my cup o' tea. Although proper grammar would help on the 9th line.
Crit my Contemplation-I think it's kinda far back on teh forum.
#11
Thanks, I dont think 100% accurate grammar is that important when writing songs plus it fits the music so hey, thanks anyway though
#12
I could picture this being an okay song, it reminded me of brick. I could picture a piano and some nice accoustics.

I think you need to better depict who you are speaking of, because it is unclear as it stands. Also, you can't switch on and off between first person and narrative view.

Sorry this is so short, I had a nice full critique pointing out instances of forementioned, but my computers a stinker and it bugged out on me :[

Keep writing

-Jacob