#1
Schwärzungsgrad des Meisters


Send forth with heavy arms
Black out of sweet heavens warmth
Die upon a bloodied rise
Listen to the young’s steady cries
Stand rigid for your fight
Lock and load one last time
Back out it is to late now
Take me through the pit
Last hopes rest on it


Feel your hearts fall closely
Meet your master at his gates
Walk the screaming path
Wake up in a blood bath
Satisfaction for the kill
Red eyes serve through with this deal
Bloody daggers in the soil
Some one save from this hellhole
Last hopes rest on it


Sapiens carcasses lain on our grounds
Stabbing the hopes of a creation profound
Blacken the eyes and kiss goodbye
Of the lover that will soon cry
When she learns of a death
Heroic and bled in it
Ready the black dress and hold up high
What will soon be a suicide?
Last hopes now rest aside


Who is the man who stands in the black coat?
From his world is revoked
A soul of dusk and a heart of dawn
This isn’t where we belong
Fall forward and listen a bit closer
To the screams and cries of a hell like propose
For as all our blood runs black
We wait for the master to take us back
Last hopes rest on it
#2
Holy shit. This is really my kinda song. I loved the 9 line rhyming pattern, it worked well IMO, and the subject is just awesome, I haven't seen many like this. I recommend looking for one called 'Silent Oblivion', it was posted up here a while ago, kinda like this. Hope you like that one, I can't remember who posted it though.

Well done.

--Masochist Lust
#3
Schwärzungsgrad des Meisters

First off. I love this title because no one can understand what it says, But it has a really good meaning.(Density of the Master) 10/10 on originality.

Send forth with heavy arms
Black out of sweet heavens warmth
Die upon a ied rise
Listen to the young’s steady cries
Stand rigid for your fight
Lock and load one last time
Back out it is to late now
Take me through the pit
Last hopes rest on it

This verse isn't cliched in any way and it rhymes all throughout. Doesn't seemed forced either.

Feel your hearts fall closely
Meet your master at his gates
Walk the screaming path
Wake up in a bath
Satisfaction for the kill
Red eyes serve through with this deal
Bloody daggers in the soil
Some one save from this hellhole
Last hopes rest on it

I like how the ending line is the same for all of them. This gives it basically a chorus or main idea. But I think you typoed on the second to last line. Might want to edit it.

Sapiens carcasses lain on our grounds
Stabbing the hopes of a creation profound
Blacken the eyes and kiss goodbye
Of the lover that will soon cry
When she learns of a
Heroic and bled in it
Ready the black dress and hold up high
What will soon be a ?
Last hopes now rest aside

I like how you use big words to describe humans while also pointing out the faults in society discretely.

Who is the man who stands in the black coat?
From his world is revoked
A soul of dusk and a heart of dawn
This isn’t where we belong
Fall forward and listen a bit closer
To the screams and cries of a hell like propose
For as all our runs black
We wait for the master to take us back
Last hopes rest on it

I think at the end of this verse you should've put the ending from the last verse on it. It would've sounded better.
I give this song a 10/10. Very original. rhymes didn't sound forced either.
Crit the one in my sig.
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