#1
This is fairly different from my usual style in that it's not based on an experience i've had it was....my cousin invented the first line when he came round so i decided to make it a full song...tell me what u think...i will crit for crit

Flyin down the highway doin seventy five
Aint felt like this for a while, so full of life
Sheriff pulls me over says “goin way too fast”
Inspects my license and tuts "How did you pass!?"
There’s lives at risk that are being lost
Now you'll have to pay the cost
He looks at my card and suddenly frowns
Says “You’re not from this part of town”

I shrug my back get out the car and walk away
He yells at me and warns me to stay
I look back and start to run
That’s when I see the cop had a gun
Two shots and I go down
I wasn’t from this part of town

Stuck in a cell the guard sees me awake
Smiles and says “You’ve made a big mistake”
He throws in a bowl of food for me to eat
But the cell has no table, not even a seat

I shrug my back get out the car and walk away
He yells at me and warns me to stay
I look back and start to run
That’s when I see the cop had a gun
Two shots and I go down
I wasn’t from this part of town

Judgement day arrives and I’m free
Only to get pulled over again for possessing weed
Back to jail again there’s the guard
He laughs “you’ve played your last card”

I shrug my back get out the car and walk away
He yells at me and warns me to stay
I look back and start to run
That’s when I see the cop had a gun
Two shots and I go down
I wasn’t from this part of town

The moral of the story is not to run, at least not while your captor possesses a gun.
BECOME A FAN!

DISCO IS DEAD!

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(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


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Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!
Last edited by Driveshaft Dan at Jan 16, 2007,
#2
Interesting concept.

The only thing I can see that needs to happen are a few words added or taken from certain lines.

Sheriff pulls me over says“goin way too fast”
Inspects my license and tuts "How did you pass!?"

But then again that's just me. Really like the idea of the song, too.

There's a link in my sig if you're feeling up to it.
8D
#3
I quite like it but agree with the comments above, perhaps too many unnecassery words (i am a minimalist however)

It seems to rhyme well and tells a clear concise story (easy to follow", not sure I like the repetition of the bit where you get shot because it doesn't make sense that youy are then in a cell (would you not be in a hospital?)

But I do like very much - well done!

what kind of music will go with it - country style or something?

matt (crit mine please called "Checks & Balances")

ps " the advantage of living in the England - cops don't have guns and you don't have to carry your licence!"
#4
Thanks for the comments guys, they r much appreciated and yeah i was gonna make this a country riff what you reckon?......
BECOME A FAN!

DISCO IS DEAD!

Quote by Minkaro
(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


Quote by Zeppo
Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!
#6
cheers for the advice....
BECOME A FAN!

DISCO IS DEAD!

Quote by Minkaro
(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


Quote by Zeppo
Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!