#1
This is a song I wrote (obviously). I wrote the chorus and bridge while I was on holiday, and made up the verses over the last half hour.

This song is not just about me, but kinda music in general. There are so many love songs out there, and they are all so different, but yet extremely similar.

Please tell me what you think, and of course, C4C.


Too Many Girls...


Verse 1


I managed to write a song,
About one of many girls.
But I've already written this song,
about somebody else.

Someone who I loved,
Six long months ago.
I gave it all my best,
She'll never even know.


Chorus

Too many girls, not enough lyrics,
I got the inspiration, not words to fill it,
Every song is sounding just the same.

I can only re-use rhymes,
like 'love' and 'dove' so many times,
Before my songs start sounding dull and lame.


Verse 2

So then sing my song,
It's got some variation.
In the way it's sung,
But not the motivation.

Is it about her eyes,
Or how I want to hold her?
Maybe it's just a phase,
I'll exit when I'm older.


Chorus

Too many girls, not enough lyrics,
I got the inspiration, not words to fill it,
Every song is sounding just the same.

I can only re-use rhymes,
like 'love' and 'dove' so many times,
Before my songs start sounding dull and lame.


Bridge

Girl at work, girl at school,
Random girl seen at the pool.
I should channel my potential,
Girls are too damn influential.


Chorus

Too many girls, not enough lyrics,
I got the inspiration, not words to fill it,
Every song is sounding just the same.

I can only re-use rhymes,
like 'love' and 'dove' so many times,
Before my songs start sounding dull and lame.


Edit: I know this is not my very best work. Just a little something I wanted to post.
Last edited by jhardcore at Jan 16, 2007,
#2
Quote by jhardcore

Too Many Girls...


Verse 1


I managed to write a song,
About one of many girls.
But I've already written this song,
about somebody else.

Someone who I loved,
Six long months ago.
I gave it all my best,
She'll never even know.
Okay, wow...It is a great intro, I've seen better, but i've written worse . I like how its a song about a song...those are always the most fun. 8/10

Chorus

Too many girls, not enough lyrics,
I got the inspiration, not words to fill it,
Every song is sounding just the same.

I can only re-use rhymes,
like 'love' and 'dove' so many times,
Before my songs start sounding dull and lame.
Crazy ryhme scheme...I don't even feel like going into it. But it works wonders good job here. 8/10

Verse 2

So then sing my song,
It's got some variation.
In the way it's sung,
But not the motivation.

Is it about her eyes,
Or how I want to hold her?
Maybe it's just a phase,
I'll exit when I'm older.
Alright, this is the part that your song starts to turn around from awesome to not so-much. Forced ryhming and just broing. Not completly horrible, just not great ethier. 6/10

Chorus

Too many girls, not enough lyrics,
I got the inspiration, not words to fill it,
Every song is sounding just the same.

I can only re-use rhymes,
like 'love' and 'dove' so many times,
Before my songs start sounding dull and lame.


Bridge

Girl at work, girl at school,
Random girl seen at the pool.
I should channel my potention,
Girls are too damn influential.
Okay i like it, needs work but not bad. 8/10

Chorus

Too many girls, not enough lyrics,
I got the inspiration, not words to fill it,
Every song is sounding just the same.

I can only re-use rhymes,
like 'love' and 'dove' so many times,
Before my songs start sounding dull and lame.


Not bad. I liek it, keep revising the seconed verse to give it a smoother feel.

Overall 7.5/10 Don't give up on it!

Thanks for the crit!
#3
In the bridge, did you mean "potential" instead of "potention?" I'm not quite sure if "potention" is a word. Heh.

But anyway. Not bad. Cute, witty, overall good point. There are too many love songs out there.

Why can't someone write a song about slaying dragons?

Oh, wait. I've already done that.
There's only one girl in the world for you
and she probably lives in Tahiti.
#4
The only things that caught most of my attention in anything wrong with this song is the rhyme scheme of the very first stanza which didn't go with the other verses. And the Dull and Lame part. My suggestion there would be to take out Dull and make it just lame for better flow. The potention thing, I'm hoping, was just a mis-type. Other than these things I actually like these lyrics even though thier not my type.
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Say to Emo's.
#6
I get a blink feeling from this song which would make sense since you mentioned them. I like the theme it reminds of a theme I had for a song because my friends were writing these songs about girls that don't exists and that's what I was gonna call the song "Another song about a girl that doesn't exist" but I hated it. It does seem like that sometimes that you write about too many girls and all the songs sound the same Ive done that before. So to crit it...

If you're going for a Blink/Green Day style song this fits perfectly. There's deffinately a Blink influence like i said. They're great lyrics for this kind of music. The chorus has some weird rhymes like the part with love and dove it just throws me off a little bit. And when you have lyrics and fill it, I'm not sure if you're trying to rhyme but if you are, I'd change it. Crit my new one for me it's in my sig.
#7
Thanks for the crits guys. I did mean potential, not potention, I will edit it now.

Thanks for pointing it out.
#8
You like men, AND you suck.
Quote by Sonicxlover
Obviously we should play the UG theme.

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#9
I will leave you with a friendly couple of words of advice.

GIRLS are the most unoriginal subject in a song possible.

So there.
#11
Quote by jhardcore
^^^

That is pretty much what the song is saying.


Which leaves me officially owned.
#12
Ok, very good song in my opinion, not too cheesy, and pretty origonal. First verse is pro, very nice. Chorus is also very good, right up until the last line... which i personally dont like, i just feel it lacks flow... its like the fullstop at the end of the chorus. Although i personally couldnt do better 2nd Verse... its ok, like one other guy said, its forced ryhming... and that just aint good. The bridge is nice, compliments the song. Overall 8/10... not my type of song, but on the whole lyrically good.
#13
This is great! Its really clever how you write a song about writing a song. I can't criticize it for being cliche cos thats the whole point you're trying to make! Funny and simple, would make a great punk song. Cheers for your crit on Jesus is my homie, and thanks a lot for nominating me for WOTM
#14
Overall, could be a good song. Not too crazy about the chorus parts about counting sheep, seems a bit cheesy I guess. Other than that, I could listen to it.
#16
Quote by Retribution
I think this is pretty awful.

Cheesy rhyming, horrible lines, nothing original. I understand the point you're making but it comes off way too blunt.

Read the Lyrics Tips thread.


Fair enough.

I appreciate the constructive criticism, but how do YOU think I could improve it?

I am not trying to be a bad sport about it BTW, it would just be cool to know how you would improve it. I am going to crit yours.
#18
Quote by jhardcore
Fair enough.

I appreciate the constructive criticism, but how do YOU think I could improve it?

I am not trying to be a bad sport about it BTW, it would just be cool to know how you would improve it. I am going to crit yours.


I would never have written such nonsense, and I really don't think this is an area of songwriting where I can help you.

Add some imagery, maybe take cliches from other songs and put a bit of wordplay on them to make them original, and last make a more personal point. This all just seems silly, boring, and almost whiny.

Anyway, I look forward to reading more work.
#19
I thought the chorus was a bit weak in comparison to the rest. I like the topic (which that guy who called you gay and the other one who said girls were an unoriginal subject obviously missed completely.)
#21
Quote by break-me-in
I thought the chorus was a bit weak in comparison to the rest. I like the topic (which that guy who called you gay and the other one who said girls were an unoriginal subject obviously missed completely.)


You can dislike the topic for being a stupid topic. It's really NOT original, nor is it clever. It's also poorly executed.

Don't call people out when they dislike something, just chime in with your advice.
#23
cool a song about writing a love song, i like the concept. they lyrics kinda like.. i dunno...they just make me feel weird and slighly less happy
#24
Quote by Retribution
You can dislike the topic for being a stupid topic. It's really NOT original, nor is it clever. It's also poorly executed.

Don't call people out when they dislike something, just chime in with your advice.


Ok I'm sorry, no need to get pissed.

I just thought that it seemed as though you'd looked at it as a love song and said it was unoriginal when that seemed to be the whole message of the song.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


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#25
Quote by Retribution
You can dislike the topic for being a stupid topic. It's really NOT original, nor is it clever. It's also poorly executed.

Don't call people out when they dislike something, just chime in with your advice.


You're being a total jackass. Ease up. Did you even pay attention to the set of lyrics? Or did you just cross-read it?

For what he was doing, it's just great.

He's getting a point across. And there's a direct link in between style and substance. He's talking about how songs about girls are unoriginal and taking a direct shot at songs written about girls, while writing it the same way. It's call irony, and it IS a writing device.

I suggest you go read the lyrics tips yourself.

As for the song, good stuff, for what it is, I enjoyed it.
#26
Thanks for the advice/criticism guys.

I never made this song to be groundbreaking or original. I don't know if you noticed, but on the first page I wrote:

"I know this is not my very best work. Just a little something I wanted to post".

So yeah. It isn't an amazing song, just an idea I had while on holiday that I felt like posting here.
#27
Quote by jhardcore



Too Many Girls...


Verse 1


I managed to write a song,
About one of many girls.
But I've already written this song,
about somebody else.

Someone who I loved,
Six long months ago.
I gave it all my best,
She'll never even know.

i dont really like how you used the same word to rhyme in the first stanza (song and song), but that's just me. maybe you were going for a certain sound and it sounds better with the music. overall, its a good start to the song, it lets the listener know what the song is gonna be about and what the mood of the song is gonna be

Chorus

Too many girls, not enough lyrics,
I got the inspiration, not words to fill it,
Every song is sounding just the same.

I can only re-use rhymes,
like 'love' and 'dove' so many times,
Before my songs start sounding dull and lame.

i really like this part, the ryming is good, but i would maybe find a different word to use instead of "lame"


Verse 2

So then sing my song,
It's got some variation.
In the way it's sung,
But not the motivation.

Is it about her eyes,
Or how I want to hold her?
Maybe it's just a phase,
I'll exit when I'm older.

this is my favorite part by far, its less cliche than the rest of the song, and just sorta stands out


Chorus

Too many girls, not enough lyrics,
I got the inspiration, not words to fill it,
Every song is sounding just the same.

I can only re-use rhymes,
like 'love' and 'dove' so many times,
Before my songs start sounding dull and lame.


Bridge

Girl at work, girl at school,
Random girl seen at the pool.
I should channel my potential,
Girls are too damn influential.

this part made me laugh, haha. in a good way


Chorus

Too many girls, not enough lyrics,
I got the inspiration, not words to fill it,
Every song is sounding just the same.

I can only re-use rhymes,
like 'love' and 'dove' so many times,
Before my songs start sounding dull and lame.



overall, good peice. kinda cliche, but good. i assume that the music is sorta pop/punk sounding, along the lines of green day or sum 41. they're good lyrics for a punk song.


Crit my songs? they're in my sig. peace
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#28
I liked it.. kinda nice to see a lyric like this cus it's kinda speciell... I think at least
There are two types of music, good music and bad music.

Don't let anyone tell YOU what good music is. Make up your own mind
#30
When i read it before seeing your sig i thought this sounded like a song you would hear from blink
#31
Quote by less_than_dave
Its really clever how you write a song about writing a song.

not really. I think writing about writing is the wort idea ever. It's actually very cliche and unoriginal. that's what make mr.chainsaw a bad song for me. one line killed that entire song .


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Fuck Canada