#1
well, this is my first post and song on UG.com. i would love some feedback on how i could improve this peice. it's not fully completed, i just came to a mental block and decided to go ahead and post

I show up and there’s no hello
Just the sound of the radio
Playing the song that you already know
The one where I’m so cold

I grab my stuff and take a look
At all the pictures that we ever took
You can keep them there all just fake
To remind you of your best mistake


You danced around my questions
Assuming accusations
I can see your guilty conscience
Aiming for absolution


I say good-bye and wish you well
And in these moments I hope you dwell
On all the things that could have been
On all the things that would have been

You danced around my questions
Assuming accusations
I can see your guilty conscience
Aiming for absolution
#2
the lyrics sound good,, but I will hold the critiquing till I know what genre of music this song is. is it rock, pop, country? simply using a band name or musical style will suffice. We just need something to base our rythm off of.
#3
more of a soft punk, almost emo rythem too it

dashboard confessional would be a good example
#4
how about something like this,, there isn't much change,, just a little reordering


"
I show up and there’s no hello
Just the sound of the radio
Playing the song that you already know
The one where I’m so cold

(
You danced around my questions
Assuming accusations
I can see your guilty conscience
Aiming for absolution
)

I grab my stuff and take a look
At all the pictures that we () took
You can keep them (they're) all just fake
To remind you of your best mistake

[guitar solo]

You danced around my questions
Assuming accusations
I can see your guilty conscience
Aiming for absolution

I say good-bye and wish you well
And in these moments I hope you dwell
On all the things that could have been
On all the things that would have been

You danced around my questions
Assuming accusations
I can see your guilty conscience
Aiming for absolution
"