#1
"We Don't Go to Ravenholm"

I ran my mouth so much
that my crooked teeth are
nearly gone.

Ice fingers,
you sent me
to Head Wound City
where we found
karma ending under
stoic, blue skies.

Piano wires,
take me to the ice
caps in snowy alaska
town, where the
next life begins.
Wade in the water, child.
#3
Haha, definitely dig the HL2 title. Best level in the game IMO.

Good stuff.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#4
Quote by AWA
"We Don't Go to Ravenholm"
I ran my mouth so much
that my crooked teeth are
nearly gone.

I love the imagery here and the whole idea behind it.

Ice fingers,
you sent me
to Head Wound City
where we found
karma ending under
stoic, blue skies.

Is Head Wound City a reference to the band? I assume it may be for HL2 like others mentioned in the thread but I don't play that game so. The line "karma..skies" is amazing. Probably the best of the piece. Excellent diction.

Piano wires,
take me to the ice
caps in snowy alaska
town, where the
next life begins.

I like the use of piano wires as a metaphorical mode of transpiration. The only suggestion for this is the fact that you stated snowy to describe the Alaskian "ice caps" It's a tad redundant to me. But if you meant it to be so it's fine. The last line is great.


Short piece but to the point and I enjoyed it
#5
I am aware that Head Wound City is a band, and yes, they are awesome, but it's not a reference to them or anything.
Wade in the water, child.
#6
I didn't really care for the first stanza, but the rest was good, especially for an OTS. It felt a little short, but that doesn't really hurt the piece. I agree with </3 about the las two lines in stanza 2 they were my favorite.
#7
I LIKE THIS ONE A LOT. i wasnt as confused as i was on the last one i read from u i actually aint got a head ache comin outa this one haha. goooood ending
Why do I let myself drown n the tears Ive cried4u over&over again When I know that u wont rescue me?
THE HARDEST GIFT2GIVE IS LOVE U KNOW IS NOT RETURNED
Whats the point n smilin if u hav no1 2smile4