#1
Here's something that just came to me just now, i have nothing written for it yet.

Crying Dawn

Verse1
In the back of my mind i hear a wolrd crying.
In the back of my mind i see a world dying.

When the angel and the leper make peace in our eye's,
it's the time when you realize you've lost your mind.

Have your passions died? Are you willing to lie down at the trial
when you've sacrificed your own mind?

Chorus
Well i've preached it to the heavens and i've screamed it to the earth,
but it seems all you little angels are choking on dirt.
I've even sacrificed my own eyes to you, and you still don't understand.
So i'll destroy my own prescense and disappear at the end.

Verse2
In the back of my mind i hear a demon's lullaby .
In the back of my mind i see a man burn in the sky.

When the heavens and the hells come together for the first and only time,
it's the time when you realize you've lost you're purpose in life.

All my emotions lied, i'm not even sure i'm alive,
even when i'm suffocating i can't seem to find a reason to try.

Chorus
Well i've preached it to the heavens and i've screamed it to the earth,
but it seems all you little angels are choking on dirt.
I've even sacrificed my own eyes to you, and you still don't understand.
So i'll destroy my own prescense and disappear at the end.

End
When i was sitting in the mountains i heard the stars plead
when i jumped into the ocean i watched a dark abyss sleep
i finally reached an island and only to find the dawn was crying and so was I

That's it please put up a message or something. PLEEEZZ

NOTE: I just edited some things based on the crit.
Last edited by AgainsTheMirror at Jan 17, 2007,
#2
Verse 1: The very beginning has a good idea, but the message was lost when you changed tenses from his to my. I think it would sond better with you "hear the world crying" and you "see the world dying." The next bit was very good had a good idea, and used very good words, too but just a little long at he end there. The third part used die alot and became a cliche'.

Chorus: I love the chorus and you shouldn't change it any.

Verse 2: Once again with this verse I lost you when you changed tenses, but if this is the message your trying to have come acros then you shouldn't change it. That's it for this verse.

End: Crying and dying has really became a cliche'. You might want to change some of them inot higher forms of the words.

Other than a few minor things, this would totally work for a song.

(Crit the one in my sig.)
Fender Strat '62 With Clapton signal processor and Fender Lace Sensors
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Influences: Black Sabbath, Metallica, Megadeth

Say to Emo's.