#1
I really hope this makes up for the last piece. I apologize to everyone, especially Joe. It was really juevenille of me.

Anyway enjoy this experimental piece.


[U][B]I'll Never Write Another Shitty Prose Piece Again[ots].[/B][/U]

an acrylic threnody for a slowing going hope
________________[color="Red"],[/COLOR]___________________[color="Red"].[/COLOR]
our vector image a resizable love    our illustration
______________[color="Red"]![/COLOR]_____________[color="Red"]:[/COLOR]____________[color="Red"].[/COLOR]
I speak  in a slurred rush as a third person narrative
____[color="Red"],[/COLOR]_____________[color="Red"],[/COLOR]_____________________[color="Red"].[/COLOR]
Lonely words drift away from bored accents and punctations
________[color="Red"],[/COLOR]_____________________________________[color="Red"].[/COLOR]
such poor prayers a woman holds together her hands    like a broken vase
____________[color="Red"],[/COLOR]____________________________[color="Red"]...[/COLOR]_______________,
and her lips sink into a digital anatomy that becomes an LCD realization to love
__________[color="Red"],[/COLOR]_________________________________________________[color="red"].[/COLOR]
[color="Red"]a falling[/COLOR]............................................................................................[color="Red"]like[/COLOR]..[color="Red"]b[/COLOR]
.............[color="Red"]crest[/COLOR]..............................................................................[color="Red"]rise[/COLOR]..........[color="Red"]o[/COLOR]
......................[color="Red"]becomes[/COLOR].........................................................[color="Red"]will[/COLOR]...................[color="Red"]m[/COLOR]
....................................[color="Red"]it's own line and like fireworks they[/COLOR].............................[color="Red"]b[/COLOR]
...........................................................................................................................[color="Red"]s[/COLOR].
   a sentence to call my own    says the period
[color="Red"]"[/COLOR]_____________________[color="Red"],"[/COLOR]______________[color="Red"].[/COLOR]
and the lines on our hands reunite to make a full sentence
_______________________________________________[color="Red"].[/COLOR]

[B][color="Red"]"[/COLOR][/B]Don't forget me[B][color="Red"],[/COLOR][/B] I'm not just a word on a page[B][color="Red"]."[/COLOR][/B] She said[B][color="Red"].[/COLOR][/B]
I laughed and kissed her forehead[B][color="Red"].[/COLOR][/B]
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Last edited by Something_Vague at Jan 18, 2007,
#2
I really liked the way that was written. It was a strange unfamiliar style but it was pretty appealing, I even liked the punctuation collections every other line, which some people may call lame or something.

overall liked this, awesome.
#3
that was awesome. is that like iambic pentameter or something?
Quote by CousticStrangla
I know I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder too.

Quote by Raz_Steroid
So you're a Transformer?
#4
I'm sure there's a really clever insult in there somewhere, and if there is, touche.

It was better than the prose.

"I speak in a slurred rush as a third person narrative
, , .
Lonely words drift away from bored accents and punctations
, .
such poor prayers a woman holds together her hands like a broken vase"

I thought those three lines where particularly good.
#5
this is so ****ing hard I can't fix the layout to the way it was written so blah.
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#6
I saw the layout in a UG glitch the way it should of looked, hence the phrase "punctuation collections" but it changed into a different style after i'd finished commenting.
#7
seriously is there like a style your using, probably not iambic pentameter, but something similar to make the language flow...or did you just freehand it
Quote by CousticStrangla
I know I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder too.

Quote by Raz_Steroid
So you're a Transformer?
#8
well it's freehand, but the punctation was supposed to be in the exact same place it would have been without the letters, so like it would be
"____."
Hello

Like that. It's just the length and the incredibly way UG ****s up the layout. It just messed everything up.
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#9
thats insane....those last two lines

"Don't forget me, I'm not just a word on a page." She said.
I laughed and kissed her forehead.

poignant, but also kinda funny
Quote by CousticStrangla
I know I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder too.

Quote by Raz_Steroid
So you're a Transformer?
#10
what the hell? i just posted to say that i agreed with lexicon about the last 2 lines being kind of funny and it didnt post. so here's the repost!
#11
This was much better than the prose piece. Much better. And try using code to make things line up.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#14
yeah madlibs..

you can take your favorite bob dylan lyrics and plug them and make an "original" jay piece.
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Last edited by Something_Vague at Jan 18, 2007,
#15
this is pretty cool post-post-modern writing, at least that is what some have called stuff similar to this before. It' s a shame that everything didn't turn out the way you wanted to, but I still think that your point got across, so kudos. This makes me want to start reading you stuff regularly again.