#1
ok this is like the first song i have posted so be nice! ......

...

This is a song i wrote when my mate was having a go about well like work and such i know some of the verse are a but dogdey i was just seeing what people thought

Welcome to the Human Race

Pre chorus

I need to work to get the money,
I need the money for stuff I don’t need,
I need the stuff to get better living,
I need better living cos they say so,
Chorus

Welcome to the Human Race,
Were a ****ing a disgrace,
No wonder we were left behind,
We ****ing kill our own kind,
We will leave you dead,
Just to get a head,
But we never be satisfied,


Verse 1

We work in offices,
Built like prisons
Doing needless shit,
That no one knows about,
Or even cares about,
We are willing to
Massace Millions of people,
Just to find ways to save
Our so perious money

Pre Chorus

Chorus

Verse 2

This world is lost to masses,
Made brainless,
By there fashions,
Breeding hatred,
Within our selves,
Prepare for the future,
That is death,
Destruction, famine, war
This is what we are bred for,

Pre Chorus

Chorus

Verse 3
No grand goal,
No main objective,
We are just something,
That has happened,
Always searching for the answers,
But we will always be denied,
Were not ready,
We never will be,
As long as too willing,
To survive

Pre Chorus

Chorus
The strata of darkness is closing in,
Opon your judgement day,
Have you been a good little boy?
Or have you sinned,

*slow build Up*

have you kill your own people,
have you murder your own kind,
habe you ****ed over the people you love,
or just the ones you don’t know
we did all for the golry of love,
for enlightment from above
false hope from a cretor,
that probably hates ya,

Chorus
#2
haha same theme as my song " the human waste". I hate humans too, but I like our spirituality, maybe one little shred of hope or positivity could make this song a little less extremist.
#3
Welcome to the Human Race

Pre chorus

I need to work to get the money,
I need the money for stuff I don’t need,
I need the stuff to get better living,
I need better living cos they say so,

I didn't like this first part so much. It didn't flow or rhyme, but that could be sung a different way than I'm thinking.

Chorus

Welcome to the Human Race,
Were a ****ing a disgrace,
No wonder we were left behind,
We ****ing kill our own kind,
We will leave you ,
Just to get a head,
But we never be satisfied,

I like this. Might use a lot of dirty language but that gives it some spice. I see a couple of typos but im sure they aren't intentionally done. It has a good rhyme and really hooks me in.

Verse 1

We work in offices,
Built like prisons
Doing needless ,
That no one knows about,
Or even cares about,
We are willing to
Massace Millions of people,
Just to find ways to save
Our so perious money

The end of this verse didn't flow to me. Might want to change it.

Pre Chorus

Chorus

Verse 2

This world is lost to masses,
Made brainless,
By there fashions,
Breeding hatred,
Within our selves,
Prepare for the future,
That is ,
Destruction, famine, war
This is what we are bred for,

I like the point this verse brings across. Especially the last line. Should makes everyone think.

Pre Chorus

Chorus

Verse 3
No grand goal,
No main objective,
We are just something,
That has happened,
Always searching for the answers,
But we will always be denied,
Were not ready,
We never will be,
As long as too willing,
To survive

I couldn't find any rhyme in this verse, and it didn't flow with the before ideas. I suggest you try and use larger words that mean more.

Pre Chorus

Chorus
The strata of darkness is closing in,
Opon your judgement day,
Have you been a good little boy?
Or have you sinned,

*slow build Up*

have you kill your own people,
have you your own kind,
habe you ****ed over the people you love,
or just the ones you don’t know
we did all for the golry of love,
for enlightment from above
false hope from a cretor,
that probably s ya,

Chorus

I like the way this ends. It sounds very e, few typos need to be fixed and it will be great.

Crit the one in my Signature
Fender Strat '62 With Clapton signal processor and Fender Lace Sensors
Kustom DFX 100 (2x12)
Fender 150W all tube '64 vintage Amp (2x12)
Influences: Black Sabbath, Metallica, Megadeth

Say to Emo's.
#4
Pre chorus

I need to work to get the money,
I need the money for stuff I don’t need,
I need the stuff to get better living,
I need better living cos they say so,
Chorus


well i gotta go so heres one tip for yoy i need is used alot try to cut them down
in line 2 heres an alternative frm my kiddish mind

spend the money on stuff i dont need
Hi