#1
I was thinking this morning about the city I live in, and how most people are within them. It's a ****ed up world for ****ed up people. send me a link and I'll crit your work too.


everyone walks around this town like
they got something to be proud of.
we all know were skinless bastards
with nothing to live for.
****ed up karma and two face bitches
is what we all know best.
why cant anyone find someone for them selves.
we past each other around like a half rolled joint.
not caring who we are and faking everything we could be.
we talk shit about each other cause we can have what we want.
**** this town, I'm outta here
#2
I couldn't get this to flow at all, maybe I just wasn't reading it right or something. Seemed totally original though, props. I could Imagine th area I just couldn't get it to sound like a poem or a song. Could you explain what it is supposed to be. And what kind of town you living in anyways. Crit the one in my Signature.
Fender Strat '62 With Clapton signal processor and Fender Lace Sensors
Kustom DFX 100 (2x12)
Fender 150W all tube '64 vintage Amp (2x12)
Influences: Black Sabbath, Metallica, Megadeth

Say to Emo's.
Last edited by HillsideMetal2 at Jan 18, 2007,
#3
Interesting perspective....I'd like to talk to you in 20 years. It would be interesting to see if the the things you loathe today, might be the things you find comfort in later in life.
#4
nah man. very little if any flow. It sounds like an angry rant more than anything else, slipknot sounding almost (which if you were going for that, i guess you're good?). I dunno, i wasn't feelin it but to each their own.
Selling a FZ-2 Hyper Fuzz. 35 o.b.o. Any takers?
#5
Yeah, it doesnt have any particular flow. It is meant to be screamed and spoken word, typical old school hardcore. Its all about the town I live in and like most towns its full of people who have disregard for love and relationships. They one minute say they "love" each other, then the next they are sleeping with their boyfriend or girlfriends best friend. Nothing last long and people eventually have been with every person in the town. Well not all people, Im aiming towards the young adults and teenagers. Plus the std rate has gotten worse, so I just sit back and wonder what the hell they are thinking because they know the problem but they feel that fullfulling their carnal desires is worth the risk.
#6
I think it was good. It's true that it doesn't flow but i like the background idea.
2 in the Morning 2 at Night
It Makes Me Feel Alright
2 in Time of Peace 2 in Time of War
2 before 2 then 2 more

I am talking, of course, about Dr.Peppers
#8
i usually never write in this way but it was just a get to the point way of expressing it.
#9
np dude i like it. hey, tell me if you change it.
2 in the Morning 2 at Night
It Makes Me Feel Alright
2 in Time of Peace 2 in Time of War
2 before 2 then 2 more

I am talking, of course, about Dr.Peppers
#10
That's right man, you **** the system. The Man is totally ****ed now that you wrote that song. You're totally making waves, man. I've never seen it expressed like that EVER. In fact, I've never even see someone write such poetry and "**** this town I'm outta here." Shit. I wish I could write like that.

Honestly one of the worst songs I've ever read. It's just dumb, dude.

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