#1
I tried out a new rhyme scheme, ABBAC. Not really sure how well it flows. I might just change up the lines to ABABC.

====================================

Her locker shut and she was on her way
I don't remember her looking back
All her words were worse than any slap
I don't think she's coming back to say
I love you one more time; I love you one more time

These high school loves, they never and easy
Always one, if not both, are left bleeding
But this was not just another school boy crush
It only feels right to call this thing love

Walking down the hall I had a pain in my gut
That the nurse's Tums would do no good for
Cause this girl; she's been an ongoing war
But for her my door will never be locked shut
I'll love her for all time; I'll love her for all time

These high school loves, they never and easy
Always one, if not both, are left bleeding
But this was not just another school boy crush
It only feels right to call this thing love

I still see her everyday in the hall
And everyday I try not to stare
She's so beautiful; her eyes and her hair
Every night I wait and hope for a call
I'll love her for all time; I'll love her for all time

These high school loves, they never and easy
(I'll love her for all time; I'll love her for all time)
Always one, if not both, are left bleeding
(I'll love her for all time; I'll love her for all time)
But this was not just another school boy crush
(I'll love her for all time; I'll love her for all time)
It only feels right to call this thing love

====================================

I'm also not really sure if i like the last line of the chorus or the last chorus at all.

Let me know what you think, Crit for Crit.
#2
Her locker shut and she was on her way
I don't remember her looking back
All her words were worse than any slap
I don't think she's coming back to say
I love you one more time; I love you one more time


how about her locker locked and she was on her way
last line avoid repetition try i need u one more time

These high school loves, they never and easy

Always one, if not both, are left bleeding
But this was not just another school boy crush
It only feels right to call this thing love

cant get it mate i think u left something

Walking down the hall I had a pain in my gut
That the nurse's Tums would do no good for
Cause this girl; she's been an ongoing war
But for her my door will never be locked shut
I'll love her for all time; I'll love her for all time

These high school loves, they never and easy
Always one, if not both, are left bleeding
But this was not just another school boy crush
It only feels right to call this thing love

I still see her everyday in the hall
And everyday I try not to stare
She's so beautiful; her eyes and her hair
Every night I wait and hope for a call
I'll love her for all time; I'll love her for all time

These high school loves, they never and easy
(I'll love her for all time; I'll love her for all time)
Always one, if not both, are left bleeding
(I'll love her for all time; I'll love her for all time)
But this was not just another school boy crush
(I'll love her for all time; I'll love her for all time)
It only feels right to call this thing love



gotta go i willl try to crit it later in night
not bad though with bit of work it can be better
Hi
#3
Her locker shut and she was on her way
I don't remember her looking back
All her words were worse than any slap
I don't think she's coming back to say
I love you one more time; I love you one more time

You use her, quite a bit. I suggest rewording some of it to avoid that.

These high school loves, they never and easy
Always one, if not both, are left bleeding
But this was not just another school boy crush
It only feels right to call this thing love

Um... the first line, I think you left something out, it doesn't make much sense to me. I like the second line. The last line is cheesy and needs some revision, major revision. I'm not too fond of the use of 'thing', I suggest taking it out and replacing it.
Walking down the hall I had a pain in my gut

That the nurse's Tums would do no good for
Cause this girl; she's been an ongoing war
But for her my door will never be locked shut
I'll love her for all time; I'll love her for all time

The first line makes almost no sense at all. In the second line, I suggest rewording it without the semi-colon, it seriously disrupts the flow. Third line is a bit awkward.

These high school loves, they never and easy
Always one, if not both, are left bleeding
But this was not just another school boy crush
It only feels right to call this thing love

I still see her everyday in the hall
And everyday I try not to stare
She's so beautiful; her eyes and her hair
Every night I wait and hope for a call
I'll love her for all time; I'll love her for all time

Interesting verse. I think a touch of imagery would make this better. Don't go overboard though, keep the tone of the song consistent, but provide enough to get the point across.

These high school loves, they never and easy
(I'll love her for all time; I'll love her for all time)
Always one, if not both, are left bleeding
(I'll love her for all time; I'll love her for all time)
But this was not just another school boy crush
(I'll love her for all time; I'll love her for all time)
It only feels right to call this thing love

Nice ending. Overall, this is really great. You get the point across and the flow was pretty consistent throughout, except for a few rough patches. Hope this helps. Awesome song, man.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep