#1
This is sort of done in the same vein as Nirvana's "The Money Will Roll Right In" only backwards kinda...

Verse 1

This anti-song is kid-tested and label unapproved
Lacking the production to make the record move
You’re truly dumb for thinking this song is cool
Major labels have gone and turned you into a fool
It’s a fresh new sound from the dirty underground
Bragging to the media about the band they’ve found
Put a new spin on your old look and make it a fad
It’s the way that they sell it that makes it bad

(Record, polish, press, and release)

(Record, polish, press, and release)

Verse 2

This anti-song is intended to make you hate
Those record labels that control your fate
A&R men with their slick million dollar deals
Come to give you the whole Rock & Roll spiel
So go get your guitar and become a big star
While the industry tests to see as to how far
It can ride your coattails until you burn out
Probably when the crowd is no longer as devout

Chorus

That verse, chorus, verse form don’t work every time
This song wouldn’t sell if I put please in every line
Don’t ever have the dream to be certified gold
For a song that will only get stale and old

Bridge

Bang it out on an old Fender Jag
Put a little heart into that drag
Fill it with dissidence and distortion
Twisted power chords in grungy contortion
Sing them with a heart-breaking rasp
The answers for those questions asked

Verse 3

This anti-song makes you want to kill MTV
Because of the music videos you never see
Its not some big budget special effects bizarre
Since its grainy pictures of man and his guitar
Flying high on a few words like they were birds
Write a song with angst and divide it into thirds
For one hundred thousand true and bleeding souls
Or just for yourself, from there see how it goes

(Record, polish, press, and release)

(Record, polish, press, and release)

Chorus

That verse, chorus, verse form don’t work every time
This song wouldn’t sell if I put please in every line
Don’t ever have the dream to be certified gold
For a song that will only get stale and old

That verse, chorus, verse form won’t work every time
Your song wouldn’t sell if you put please in every line
Don’t ever have the dream to be certified gold
Because your song will only get stale and old

(Record, polish, press, and release)
I massacre the guitar but make beautiful music in the process. Grunge lives through me!
#2
its ok but i have seen better then this from u.i will try to crit it later in the night
Hi
#3
its just a different style, they're not all gonna be perfect nor the same, don't compare it to my other stuff compare it to the style of the music which is kind of a cheesy grunge rip off, its not like "A Sad Little Boy" which was supposed to be a folk song, or "Defacing Love Song" and "A Body To Die For" which were more hard rock gritty reality tunes and "Possession Is Nine Tenths Of The Law" was just a snotty jokey punk song. I just don't wanna always write about drugs, and death, writing deeping meaningful, metaphorical lyrics is great but I wanna have fun too... but I'll appreciate the crit
I massacre the guitar but make beautiful music in the process. Grunge lives through me!
Last edited by punkrockconcept at Jan 20, 2007,
#4
Verse 1

This anti-song is kid-tested and label unapproved
Lacking the production to make the record move
You’re truly dumb for thinking this song is cool
Major labels have gone and turned you into a fool
It’s a fresh new sound from the dirty underground
Bragging to the media about the band they’ve found
Put a new spin on your old look and make it a fad
It’s the way that they sell it that makes it bad

I love the first two lines! As for the second two lines, I very much like the idea, but I'm not too hot on the use of "truly dumb" and the "cool/fool" rhyme. But I think it's an important idea to the song that just needs re-wording. The last four lines of the stanza are awesome!

(Record, polish, press, and release)

(Record, polish, press, and release)

I love this - simple but effective. This, and in fact the whole song, puts me in mind of Anti-Flag. I could see this being chanted.

Verse 2

This anti-song is intended to make you hate
Those record labels that control your fate
A&R men with their slick million dollar deals
Come to give you the whole Rock & Roll spiel
So go get your guitar and become a big star
While the industry tests to see as to how far
It can ride your coattails until you burn out
Probably when the crowd is no longer as devout

Not a bad word against this entire stanza, it's all very good!

Chorus

That verse, chorus, verse form don’t work every time
This song wouldn’t sell if I put please in every line
Don’t ever have the dream to be certified gold
For a song that will only get stale and old

Loved this too.

Bridge

Bang it out on an old Fender Jag
Put a little heart into that drag
Fill it with dissidence and distortion
Twisted power chords in grungy contortion
Sing them with a heart-breaking rasp
The answers for those questions asked

Again, not much to say, all very good! There's the occasional moment where I'm not sure if there's a couple too many syllables per line, but I guess it depends on the melody you've got for it.

Verse 3

This anti-song makes you want to kill MTV
Because of the music videos you never see
Its not some big budget special effects bizarre
Since its grainy pictures of man and his guitar
Flying high on a few words like they were birds
Write a song with angst and divide it into thirds
For one hundred thousand true and bleeding souls
Or just for yourself, from there see how it goes

I really like the second half of this stanza, possibly the best part of the song. The first half I like but I'm not convinced by, especially the third line. I think perhaps maybe a quick re-write would fix it.

(Record, polish, press, and release)

(Record, polish, press, and release)

Chorus

That verse, chorus, verse form don’t work every time
This song wouldn’t sell if I put please in every line
Don’t ever have the dream to be certified gold
For a song that will only get stale and old

That verse, chorus, verse form won’t work every time
Your song wouldn’t sell if you put please in every line
Don’t ever have the dream to be certified gold
Because your song will only get stale and old

(Record, polish, press, and release)


I really liked this. I think there's just a few tiny areas that need re-addressing, but that's all, and it's worth it to polish off what's already a great set of lyrics.
#5
Ok, really good. I love the lyrics, they're very cool. What kind of music is in the background tho? Is the song going to be about the lyrics or the music? Just wondering
2 in the Morning 2 at Night
It Makes Me Feel Alright
2 in Time of Peace 2 in Time of War
2 before 2 then 2 more

I am talking, of course, about Dr.Peppers
#6
Well, as an attack on the record industry, this is pretty much perfect for one very good reason: no one in the record industry would want anything to do with it. To that end, it's pretty dumb. The rhyming makes me think that you're trying to rap, and failing at it too. But you seem like you're punk and you mention song parts that seem like it's made for guitar. So that puts me in the mind of a rap/rock/punk crossover which would be pretty much attrocious. Also it's just not original. I mean, do you even KNOW anything about the record industry? Do you have any idea how bands get to be popular? Are you popular? No. You're posting this on an internet forum, so no. "Outside looking In" doesn't apply here. This is just dumb.

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary
#7
lol
2 in the Morning 2 at Night
It Makes Me Feel Alright
2 in Time of Peace 2 in Time of War
2 before 2 then 2 more

I am talking, of course, about Dr.Peppers
#8
nice opinion but if you think it's dumb keep it to yourself, crit the lyrics not what you "think" my outlook is. that is just dumb... btw thanks for the actual crits from those above...
I massacre the guitar but make beautiful music in the process. Grunge lives through me!
#9
Quote by Petey Cook
Well, as an attack on the record industry, this is pretty much perfect for one very good reason: no one in the record industry would want anything to do with it. To that end, it's pretty dumb. The rhyming makes me think that you're trying to rap, and failing at it too. But you seem like you're punk and you mention song parts that seem like it's made for guitar. So that puts me in the mind of a rap/rock/punk crossover which would be pretty much attrocious. Also it's just not original. I mean, do you even KNOW anything about the record industry? Do you have any idea how bands get to be popular? Are you popular? No. You're posting this on an internet forum, so no. "Outside looking In" doesn't apply here. This is just dumb.

Rock On


I've seen you in another thead, and you were just as much of a c**t in that one aswell. Is someone jealous?

Btw, I think this song is great, and totally sums up the record industry at the moment, or at least what I know about it haha. I'd crit it better but i'm kinda new and have no idea how to
#10
Yep - This has got Nirvana written all over it. But then that's just an impression one gets after reading your post about the similarity. And I think even if it wasn't there, I'd have recognized it for grunge from miles away.

Reminds me of their track called "Serving the servants", but it goes completely different yet packs as much of a punch. I don't have a clue how the record industry's going, but I can tell and prove that songs/phrases/poetry like these are written even by the best of 'labelled' artists just for the hell of it. Doesn't make anyone 'non-record' material or a reject.

If you ever post the actual song for this, let me know. I'd love to hear it.
Wanna feel divine? Light candles around a dark and abondoned room, then play your guitar.
#11
its sorta bad to me, just cuz it sounds more like it would be more of a rap... Honestly, maybe Limp Bizkit-ish style? ikno that sounds wierd, but it just, to me, doesn't word very well. The rhyming line to line is not my favorite styling and sounds sort of forced here.
Logos and websites for low prices - pm me

Quote by SideshowRaven24
wow dude way to think innovative. nice plan.
Quote by icon_player_5
that would be awesome if you saw it all the way through, good imagination

Fender Telecaster
60s Epi-Acoustic
Fender Pro-Junior
Boss BD-2
#12
thanks, I could have been a** and raved on further but I didn't see a point in trying to argue in forum. I appreciate the comments, and you all you really gotta do to crit is read the lyrics, check out the rhyme sheme, look at vocabulary and use of metaphors and similies, good and bad uses of repetition and stuff like that. I think there's a tip thread on you should check out... btw check out my latest called "Vibe" in the sig...
I massacre the guitar but make beautiful music in the process. Grunge lives through me!
#13
again, dude, i like it
2 in the Morning 2 at Night
It Makes Me Feel Alright
2 in Time of Peace 2 in Time of War
2 before 2 then 2 more

I am talking, of course, about Dr.Peppers
#14
I appreciate it man, I wasn't ranting at you, and I was trying to help that dude out who asked about crits....
I massacre the guitar but make beautiful music in the process. Grunge lives through me!
#15
I've seen you in another thead, and you were just as much of a c**t in that one aswell. Is someone jealous?


No. I'm just honest. And I am impressed that you used the word "c*nt" in a sentence. It's a word most people need to add to their vocabulary.

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary
#16
yeah but you misinterpreted the lyrics to begin with, so how are being honest?
I massacre the guitar but make beautiful music in the process. Grunge lives through me!
#17
Well that means that you did a bad job of getting your point across.

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary
#18
Uh, I think he did. It's pretty plain, dude. The point, I mean.
2 in the Morning 2 at Night
It Makes Me Feel Alright
2 in Time of Peace 2 in Time of War
2 before 2 then 2 more

I am talking, of course, about Dr.Peppers
#19
Great as usual. First two lines are very funny and the chorus is really clever.

Put a little heart into that drag

Didn't really understand this line

Really good though, great rhyming and clever lyrics.

Could you check out my latest?