#1
Well this is more of a poem for now until I can find music that fits it or vice versa. Basically the title says what it's about, no matter how great a society you can create, there's always gonna be one person to crack and think otherwise. I haven't posted in quite a while and this is definately different than what I'd normally write, but I hope you enjoy. Feel free to critique, rip to shreds, no comment, hail the next shakespear, or whatsoever your heart desires.

"Human Nature"



If I choose the lesser of two Evils
Does that make me a better man?
When all men are created equal
Who's worthy to be the first to stand?

Laws are made not to be broken
But human error decides otherwise
And not all hearts are outspoken
For secrecy covers up all lies

They say think before you speak
A wise man weighs his words
Beyond the meaning we seek
We take our advice from fools

Compliments come with dissent
A motive behind our selfless acts
How could one know what was meant
Separating fiction from the facts

When confusion seems to run amok
It seems like Babel was more organized
Just don't fret, it's only initial shock
Time will prevail, even if disguised
#2
If I choose the lesser of two Evils
Does that make me a better man?
When all men are created equal
Who's worthy to be the first to stand?

I like the way that there is a question posed after a statement in this stanza. I like the idea for this song as well and think that this as a first stanza is a really good start and shows well what you are attempting to portray.
Laws are made not to be broken
But human error decides otherwise
And not all hearts are outspoken
For secrecy covers up all lies

I dont feel that the first half of this stanza flows as well as the first one and a half before it. But again i think the message is really good.
They say think before you speak
A wise man weighs his words
Beyond the meaning we seek
We take our advice from fools

Great Stanza as are the last two except maybe the very last line of the poem i think that can maybe worded better. I really liked this piece it worked very well as a poem im not sure how as a song but as it is not it sounds great. I especially like the content and how its put accross i found the whole thing very interesting.
Please check out mine id like to have you crit it its in my sig thanks
#3

If I choose the lesser of two Evils
Does that make me a better man?
When all men are created equal
Who's worthy to be the first to stand? I really liked how you opened it, and I liked the rhyming as well

Laws are made not to be broken
But human error decides otherwise
And not all hearts are outspoken
For secrecy covers up all lies flows nice, but the last line seems like the rhyme was forced

They say think before you speak
A wise man weighs his words
Beyond the meaning we seek
We take our advice from fools The rhyming scheme changes, which can be okay at times, but in this case it messed up the flow at the end

Compliments come with dissent
A motive behind our selfless acts
How could one know what was meant
Separating fiction from the facts take out "the" to make it flow better

When confusion seems to run amok
It seems like Babel was more organized seems awkward
Just don't fret, it's only initial shock
Time will prevail, even if disguised last line confuses me

I liked, some minor issues, but other than what I said above, it was pretty good. 8-9/10 IMO. BTW, thanks for the crit on mine
#4
Thanks for the crits guys. I definately understand how it would be thought that words and fools isn't exactly a rhyme, but in the sense it was the best thing to it and kept the poem on track instead of wavering into a new direction. If it's turned into a song I may switch some of it around a lil bit so that it has better voicing.
#5
I didn't like the last line of the first stanza. Maybe next time you write something try to stay away from repeating the exact same rhyme scheme over and over, even though you kinda pulled it off with this piece it usually gets repeditive. Other than that this was okay.
#6
I really like this, especially the first two verses. The questions in the first verse make you think. Didn't like the final verse quite so much, not sure who/what Babel is
Good song though, well written and interesting.

Could you crit one of mine?
#7
The Babel was mentioned in the bible as being this city where they tried to make a building that would reach heaven and God made it so that nobody spoke the same language, so basically chaos. So the reference is that Babel was more organized in that chaos than the chaos that goes on today.