#1
I might not even make this into an actual song, but I wrote it in response to several friends of mine. Crit for crit, of course.

Baltimore

I spent the day in the Baltimore streets
But not at the glittering harbor or skyscrapers
I went to where you lock your car doors
And don’t waste your time passing by

I hear you say that Baltimore is no good
That there’s been another dozen murders this week
But I look at black faces and boarded buildings
And say that Baltimore is a diamond in the rough

I hear you say that you’re not racist in the least
But you don’t want to go to the parts of town
Where the signs aren’t bright and the faces aren’t white
Even though they’re only as bad as you

Baltimore is a diamond in the rough
#2
I assume you're talking about MD.

I live just outside of Baltimore, been there a billion times so i guess i can relate to this poem.

I dont really like the last line "Even though they're only as bad as you" it seems to clash.
Beauty Supreme

Yeah you were right about me
#3
I'd say its good
i live in Baltimore myself and for the truth it just seems to get worse every day but it isnt so bad
Last edited by jeff b at Jan 19, 2007,
#4
Yeah, the friends I'm writing about are from the Severna Park, Annapolis area, so you probably know how that goes.
#5
Heh. I'm in Baltimore right now at my parent's house (I want to LEAVE) and I think you've got it pretty right.

Still, I think there's a lot you could do to relate the girl and Baltimore together. That's a pretty cool metaphor to draw, but you don't really do it.

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#6
Great thing going on, I'm down closer to DC, but we all know the area.

I would definately change the line Even though they’re only as bad as you

I'm not sure how to do it, but it just doesn't flow like the rest of it. Nothing wrong with the meaning, just the way it was written. Rearrange it somehow.