#1
newest song, not finished as always, kinda long though, crit 4 crit


i can't stand not having it
the thought is killing me slowly indside
we're on the home stretch, the site gets larger
a little more waiting
and the hopes will be fulfilled

all this planning
all this excitement
it will all pull through
become just what we suspected
and sometimes more

days turn into weeks
weeks add up to be months
before you know it
we're home and happy
for as long as imagined

some things will go wrong
some will get exceptionaly better
the only things i know
is it'll be all of us in the end
and we'll get what we deserved

days turn into weeks
weeks add up to be months
before you know it
we're home and happy
for as long as imagined

hopefully we'll make it in the end
the time and title will be ours

we're home and happy
for as long as pictured, and imagined
~gtrfrk


founder of the dunlop pick fan club


RIP Roger "Syd" Barrett


"Let the good times roll"
#2
bump
~gtrfrk


founder of the dunlop pick fan club


RIP Roger "Syd" Barrett


"Let the good times roll"
#3
i can't stand not having it
the thought is killing me slowly indside
we're on the home stretch, the site gets larger
a little more waiting
and the hopes will be fulfilled

I really like this stanza really good

all this planning
all this excitement
it will all pull through
become just what we suspected
and sometimes more

This one was a little confusing and throws off the flow toward the end where it says "it will all pull through become just ....."

days turn into weeks
weeks add up to be months
before you know it
we're home and happy
for as long as imagined

This one was really vague. I like the days to weeks and weeks to months line but, try to elaborate a bit you got a good start here

some things will go wrong
some will get exceptionaly better
the only things i know
is it'll be all of us in the end
and we'll get what we deserved

Awesome really liked this one, nothing to say here

days turn into weeks
weeks add up to be months
before you know it
we're home and happy
for as long as imagined

hopefully we'll make it in the end
the time and title will be ours

A little short but i really like it especially the last line realy good

we're home and happy
for as long as pictured, and imagined

The last line on this one doesn't really make sense. I think that picturing and imagining is the same thing. When you picture something in your head you imagine it

Overall pretty good 6/10. Just work on it a little more, this was my first full on crit so ignore errors if there are any.
#4
thanks man
~gtrfrk


founder of the dunlop pick fan club


RIP Roger "Syd" Barrett


"Let the good times roll"