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The two I made up myself (Copyright D.M.M.)

The doctor said I have diabetes because of you, too much of a sweet thing


You're like a candy cane, white, sweet and has great curves
Does this smell like chloroform?

That one always works.

Edit: Oh and I really like amazingdm's first one.
I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

XD They never work.
My newbie stuff:

Ashton Acoustic (forgot model :P)
Squier Stratocaster
Fender Frontman 15R


Saving up for...

Vox Valvetronix ADVT50
Boss D-2 Pedal
Les Paul Studio (Wine Red)
Is your dad a terrorist? Because you're the bomb.
New To Town With A Made Up Name

In The Angel's City

Chasing Fortune And Fame
Hey, nice thread
Away Message: I fell out of my chair, this may take awhile.
Quote by amazingdm

You're like a candy cane, white, sweet and has great curves

The one flaw with this one is, that she gets passed around at school during christmas.

This isn't a pick up line, but it made me laugh. One of my mates saw this girl he thought was "fit" and she had an Enter Shikari shirt on, and he shouted "I'll enter her shikari"
I thought it was funny anyway
Quote by KileManA7X
You sir, are an honorary genius! Take this badge, you made us proud!
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?

No, why?

Cause I can see myself in your pants

That's a nice shirt.

Thank you.

Bet it would look better on my floor.

Nice legs, what time do they open?

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Does this beer taste like roofies to you?

Nice shoes, let's ****.
Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

My Love for you is like diarrhea .. I can't hold it in.
My Gear:

82 Gibson Explorer
Ibanez '03 JEM7VWH

Greg Byers '01 Classical (Euro Spruce bent top)
Darren Hippner 8 String Classical (Engelmann Spruce)
Alhambra 4P
Taylor 614ce
Framus Texan se. # 5/196

Diezel Herbert 2007
Mesa Recto 2x12
Last edited by markr17 at Aug 28, 2016,
wanna play Trains? you lie down and i'll Chew Chew Chew

Wanna play toy soldiers? you stand there and ill blow you away

(or somethign like that, cant remember)
We may be divorced..... but we're still cousins

I came 2nd in the January 2007 Punk-0-Matic Tournament
Quote by Rankles
I frequently put capes on all my teeth and they go out fighting crime together.
If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you take off your clothes and dance around
(='.'=) This is Bunny. Put him
(")_(") on his way to world domination.


Matt Bellamy > Shred

A recent study shows that 92% of all teenagers have moved on to rap music. I am an 8%er
"wanna play carpenter? first we get hammered, then i nail you"
hello laidies, my dick is 13 inches...think about it


Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
~We Rock Out With Our Cocks Out!: UG Naked Club.~
Post a naked picture of yourself with your guitar to join.

Quote by gunther_sucks
Hey you look kind of like me.

Except for the sexy man goatee, and kickass shades. And sweet guitar.

I'm jealous.
I don't see any fizzing in your drink
Dave Mustain has wrote some of the most amazing solos...
That he can't actually play!
Did you get those pants on sale? Because at my house you get them 100% off…

Quote by bjoern_swe
my mom found me sitting in the kitchen, eating Corn Flakes from the floor. when she asked me what I was doing, I just roared at her and ran up to my room.

George Foreman Grill Appreciation Society
im like a light bulb, all i need is a quick screw.
Quote by вяaи∂ иєw
I vote you for Australian of the Year.

Quote by Dunjma
lol yea chuck the sicky! what an aussie tradition angels fighter i too vote u for aussie of the year

Quote by Deliriumbassist
I call bullsh*t. White people don't get sacked.

Visit my friends Site
"Are you an angel, because I have an erection!" Be sure to smile broadly and look at the victim wide eyed as you say this.
I'm gonna drive all night, take some speed. I'm gonna wait for the sun to shine down on me. I cut a hole in my roof in the shape of a heart snf I' goin' out west where they'll appreciate me"

Click this if you like men!
It's funny, your nose wiggles when you laugh.
Quote by The Leader
Same difference? Meaning its differences are exactly alike, and are parallel in opposite? So they have the exact same thing wrong with them. Two identical twins have scars, but the scars are in the exact same place, so their differences are the same.
Nice shoes, wanna ****?
Quote by boredloserkid1
i have 3 balls n no penis..its called flopeouinesinea

Quote by Burpin'Worm
I'd suck off my grandad while getting bummed by my dad and tossed off by my brother for a million.
" you have the finest set of teeth i have ever cum across"
Yeah, now you're gonna die wearing that stupid little hat. How does it feel?

Help me to live.

I make custom guitar wiring harnesses and I'm pretty damn good at it!
The one that NEVER works: You know for a fat chick you sure have small boobs.

Don't drink water, fish #@$! in it.
So I hear you're a girl. How's that working out for you?

she immediately proceeded to give me a blowjob
Quote by Virgil_Hart05
Quote by Somarriba15
yeah, gamecube sucks, they only have baby games, like mario
You sir have no penis

Official Second Member of the "Using gay as an insult proclaims your idiocy" club. PM jesusgonewrong to join.
Quote by alliwant
Did you get those pants on sale? Because at my house you get them 100% off…

haha thats great. only because of the headbang thing though...

I lost my teddybear, can I sleep with you?
member #4 of "i remember when pokemon used to be cool" club
How much for the works?
Dave Mustain has wrote some of the most amazing solos...
That he can't actually play!
Quote by TheGuitaristMan
Me: Go up to girl
*Slam condom on table*
Me: How 'bout it?

*Discussing outfits*
Me: "You know what you look good in? My bed."

Do you work at the UPS because you've been checking out my package?
My Gear: For sale/trade:
Epi Les Paul Custom SPF I-5 delay
Fender Jazzmaster MXR 1O band EQ
Line 6 DL4
Fulltone OCD
EB volume pedal
Ampeg Reverberocket
Most of these will end up in a slap
Liberation Minister of the UK Price War Army. PM Felkara to join

Quote by Teh Traineez0rz
You set your hair on fire for a dollar.

Did you buy some intelligence afterwards??
Hey baby, how'd you like to use my search button?
Quote by Mike Birbiglia
I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it's never anything good like, "We found something in your bladder AND IT'S SEASON TICKETS TO THE YANKEES!!

Do you folks like folk?
My magic watch tells me you aren't wearing any underwear...oh, sorry, it's ten minutes fast.

Quagmire (in a lesbian bar): Hey, any of you ladies ever been penetrated?
Quagmire again: I'd rearrange the alphabet to put you and I next to each other
And a third time: I don't want to come between you two...or do I?
And finally: Hey, does this look like a Q to you?

Giggity giggity goo!
Member of UG's Tubgirl Virgins Club
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