#1
Be as mean as u want if u crit, just dont be an asshoel and not give suggestions. be honest and thanx in advance 4 reading it

You could cut concrete with this tension
It's all just a process of elimination...
And even if I did have a heart,
I'm sure you would have run off with it
And it stopped raining outside from what I've seen
But this cloud seems to be following me
Yeah and the rain never stops falling, It's falling so silently, oh so silently
But I'm still not sure if it's the cold or you thats making me shiver so violently

Well I'm everything your looking for. I'm just waiting to be found
And I don't get how you don't hear me screaming, when there's no other sound
But it's not like your listening, no your not listening
Your too busy keeping your eyes glistening
Yeah, just stay pretty and hidden behind that shell
Because I know I can't break it, there's no chance in hell
And I'm trying to poison this hope that can't seem to leave
And im drinking in hopes for something I won't ever achieve
Well at least now i can blame the death on the poison,
but i know it's her who is really killing me.

And from what I've seen the storms hit you too
I guess all those scientist were wrong because the universe revolves around you
And we're both wet, and dripping from head to toe,
The answers are starting to show, Oh they're starting to show
It will never happen, my dreams will stay dreams
And maybe your less than I made you out to seem
Theres no poison on my lips, But i wouldn't mind if you still tried
Because just one kiss would cover those tears I've cried
And I know you too would like to finally sleep
I just hope when you dream it's of me

And I'm trying to poison this hope that can't seem to leave
And im drinking in hopes for something I won't ever achieve
Well at least now i can blame the death on the poison,
but i know it's her who is really killing me.
#2
great work! i like the thoughtfulness of it. perhaps try and make some lines more concise, for rhythm's sake. but conceptually its quite strong. keep it up