#1
Hey guys, another new one...This one may not be as good, because i wrote it in bassically 10 mins last night before i past out...but lets see how it is...

I'm the scum thats stuck to your foot,
ever slowly growing into a vile of hate
I am the scum that makes you cringe,
making you cry is what I want.

Do you cry when i call your name?
Do you wish for death when I look your way?
When you see me do your eyes decay?
Do you die when i decide to stay?

The pain I give is because of the scum I am
The suffering I deliver is the scum I have become
Agony and Misery is what you get when you deal with scum like me!

(Chorus)
I'm the Scum you Hate!
I'm the Scum you Want!
I'm the Scum you can't Take!

I was born in this world
Just to be known as scum
I hate to do it,
I hate to be it,
But I am scum so I must accept it!

(Chrous)
I'm the Scum you Hate!
I'm the Scum you Want!
I'm the Scum you can't Take!

Alright, hope this is somewaht enjoyable...again shorter then most of my stuff but yeah..

This song is talking about how people think I am scum for the way i act, but yet i think i am one of the nicest guys you''l meet...bit of a contridictory irony...I was listening to "Sad but True" so it might seem a bit like it...

Enjoy!

C4C
Last edited by RavenKlown at Jan 31, 2007,
#3
I'm the scum thats stuck to your foot,
ever slowly growing into a vile of hate
I am the scum that makes you cringe,
making you cry is what I want.

This is good in my opinion. One thing that stood out to me is how the 2nd line seems to not go with the flow all that well. It would probably be better without 'ever' or 'slowly', but maybe that is just how I am interpreting it. Lyrically, it is good stuff. It shows the listener/reader right from the start what the song is about, and that is always important in any song.


Do you cry when i call your name?
Do you wish for death when I look your way?
Do you die when i decide to stay?

There is not a whole lot to say about this. It suits the song very well and continues to set up what it is about. When I was reading this, this line came to my head:

When you see me do your eyes decay?

That would be pretty cool, but it's up to you.



The pain I give is because of the scum I am
The suffering I deliver is the scum I have become
Agony and Misery is what you get when you deal with scum like me!

This is pretty much perfect. I can't think of any ways how this could be better. The last line does seem a bit 'poppish' and not really serious, but no big worries.

(Chorus)
I'm the Scum you Hate!
I'm the Scum you Want!
I'm the Scum you can't Take!

I don't really understand the 2nd line. Why is it the scum you hate and want? I can't really get my head around that bit.


I was born in this world
Just to be known as scum
I hate to do it,
I hate to be it,
But I am scum so I must accept it!

This is good too. Not as good as the first verse though. I like how it pretty much ends the verses by saying how you must accept being scum, etc. I can't really think of a whole lot I can really comment on here.


(Chrous)
I'm the Scum you Hate!
I'm the Scum you Want!
I'm the Scum you can't Take!


Overall I give this song 8/10. I preferred 'Robots of Society', but there is certainly nothing wrong with this one. It may benefit a bit from a few minor changes here and there, but nothing huge. You definitely are a good songwriter.

Please Crit mine (in sig)
#4
Thanks for the crit jhc(i'm lazy)

About the seconed line in the chorus...it bassically is the part that,Even though you might at somehting you still may want it...it's a wierd concept...

I like that idea about "when you see me do your eyes decay" I like that...thanks
#5
What do you think you are, Nu Metal Concentrate or something?
Wade in the water, child.
#6
Quote by AWA
What do you think you are, Nu Metal Concentrate or something?



ummm.....What?

If you are trying to trash my work without giving any good crit...don't bother posting....
#7
Quote by AWA
What do you think you are, Nu Metal Concentrate or something?



AWA you know better, theres no need to make that kind of comment without a backup crit. Consider yourself black marked.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.